Many people will suffer terribly because of Donald Trump and his band of hellturds, but Surturius is wringing her hands over hurt fee-fees.

It’s like... I don’t know, man. I’m without words. At this point, I’m hoping that I’m actually in a coma and my subconscious is a raging cesspool of insanity where reality TV king Donald Trump features prominently, for some strange, strange reason.

A fluffernutter on a TV tray with a glass of Flavor Aid white.

I’ve seen the future, baby. It is murder.

Wiping a 70-year-old baby’s ass and fixing his boo-boos is very damaging to the skin. And hair. And soul.

Poor Scottie Nell. She looks like someone put a wig and makeup on a yam.

Who hasn’t?

Right? I feel like I opened the ark every time I look at her.

He does! But sometimes he gets sloppy and lets his neck spill out over his collar. It’s amazing that he doesn’t seem to notice it flapping in the breeze.

She’s always had shitty hair. She’s one of those “blonde at all costs” types who will bleach her hair until there’s nothing left but a few wisps of cotton fluff.

My werrrrd, she is a rough-ass 50. I guess that’s what happens when you allow yourself to become a soulless shill: you turn into a shrunken applehead doll.