Sean Penn: *writes unreadable pretentious novel where he declares that rape is no big deal so long as we get to keep Charlie Rose*

He seems to have a pattern with beautiful women who are desperate to be taken more seriously intellectually (Madonna, Robin Wright, Scarlett Johansson, Theron). I bet he’s really good at validating that part of their personality, while also treating them like shit until they wise up. Robin Wright certainly seems to…

 The alliteration is wannabe tell #1. It reeks of someone who wants to be a “Writer” (i.e., perceived as observant and intellectual) but doesn’t want to do the hard work of actually writing.

“voluminous volumes”

I’m sorry.... “good vagina.”??? Like, “oh I love that restaurant. Really good vagina.” I can’t get past it.

Oh man, imagine the editor who got stuck with this steamy pile of pitiful pretension? This paean to puerile, penile prerogatives?
Hey, holy shit, I think I’ve just come up with an idea for a killer meme generator! I’ll call it “Sean Penn, Literary Man.”
Seriously though, this pisses me off. There are god knows how…

Someone pointed out to me, in an article about Billy Corgan of The Smashing Pumpkins being a freaking mutant, that when a person has that much money and name-recognition, sometimes people are too slow to disregard their feelings and point out that they’re being an ass.

That usually translates to: someone who doesn’t realize that the stuff he’s done is sexual assault.

It reads like a trying-to-be-edgy/intellectual version of Leslie Knope Headlines.

That was disturbing indeed, considering her personal history and her activism. I was so glad when that ended.

Just because it’s low hanging doesn’t mean it isn’t delicious, delicious, schadenfruit.

Admit it Randall, this is the only reason this post exists:

Now I really want to know what’s written at footnote 14.

Overusing alliteration like that makes you look like a try-hard freshman who took one survey course on mid-century lit and decided they’re the spiritual decedent of Kerouac.

“Just link Fallon who actually apparently has and save us this redundancy.”

THEY DID IN THE ARTICLE. Oh my fucking god, make sure you’re right before you complain.

This was published by Atria Books, a subsidiary of Simon and Schuster. Keep this in mind the next time some publishing type (you know the type: “I’m the important gatekeeper. There’s no gaming here; only the good stuff rises to top. Period.”) and insists on how critical, crucial, and consequential is their cultural…

Or, the consensus on Penn may come from the fact that he is an objectively silly person whose self-regard could power a mid-sized city?

You’d think an actor, of all people, would try reading his prose out loud to see how it rolls (or doesn’t roll) off the tongue. Those sentences are so damn cumbersome, I lost track of the thought halfway through.

“His dream’s desert daylight diffusion dictated disturbances in the void of visual detail.”

Still not as embarrassing as when Penn gushed over Hugo Chavez and said people should go to prison for criticizing him.