Yeah we should all be thanking those big-hearted corporations for giving those poor people a chance to work for them. It's not like human beings can create any kind of economy on their own without a benevolent corporation stepping in to tell them what to do. I'm sure they would all just lie there in the dirt and…

Which one of them gets the positive push for that relationship? Marrying an old crazy bitch with huge tits or marrying a former teen star?

Pass a referendum to get them off my damn lawn, that's what.

He wants to be John Elway and OWN the Dallas Cowboys. Plus the only way for the joke at the end to work is if he wants a good team but gets a shitty one.

I don't get why people hate Mario Sunshine. That game was fun.

Coen brothers don't need a lifetime pass. They make fucking great movies. Two movies in their lifetime that are just okay rather than amazing don't require a lifetime pass.

The McDonalds coffee thing is similar to the "twinkie defense". It's a mischaracterization that has become common knowledge. Everyone has spilled coffee on themselves at one point so we all think it's ridiculous to sue for that, but the coffee served to that woman was so unreasonably hot that something that should…

Better start practicing your quiet voice.

but then there's the running and… the screaming.

Going by faulty memory here:

She's Out Of My League could redeem itself if halfway through they get married and then she reveals that she dates lower than her station because she has AIDS. Then the next half is her dying of AIDS and Jay Baruchel wondering why the fuck he was so happy to marry a horrible self-centered person.

There are tons of people obsessed with Rube Goldberg machines. I'm sure they got one of the many people who are into that kind of thing to help them out.

Yeah, all they ever do is play instruments, write songs, record albums, put on concerts and make music videos. That's not even close to what bands do.

It's actually so my semen will come out tasting like gunpowder. It was a long way to go for a joke.

when I'm serving chocolate pudding I don't want to sound gay so I tell my guest "take this fart sauce and cram it in your crap factory". Then I punch myself in the face and shotgun three beers.

What the fuck is wrong with regular cake? Or delicious pie, for that matter?

Someone decided you had to have a non-gay word to refer to the relationship you have with your best guy friends. What they didn't take into account is that talking about your relationships at all is fucking gay, so the very existence of the word bromance is more gay than if you referred to your best friend as " my…

My semen doesn't taste manly enough, so I started sprinkling gunpowder over my morning oatmeal.

I'm instructing my broker to move all of my money into disc-shaped chocolate derivatives as we speak.

I thought mancakes were pancakes in the shape of a cock and balls.