Point of odor, Col. Alphonse stinks.

I have a weekly comedy show in my basement. I stand in front of a cardboard cutout of an audience and I tell my jokes and weep uncontrollably.

http://www.theonion.com/con…

Oh come on, like the smartest motherfucker in here wouldn't fuck a girl named Dimple$. You know she does some crazy shit.

They'll write a song together called "Your body is a unicorn"

WAIT EVERYONE! Stop, stop, calm down. John Mayer gets more pussy than us. You know what that means. We all have to stop talking about him. Sorry, that's just the rules. Whoever fucks more skanks is infallible.

I've played guitar for 18 years and I also hate the term "guitar chops". Actually, the musicians I know use the word "chops" but to refer to stamina. As in "I haven't picked up my instrument in weeks, my chops are fucked".

Everyone I know who went to high school in small towns makes it sound like there's a LOT of drunk driving and everyone fucks each other. Basically for something to do. Then when you go back home after college, all your friends who stayed are on meth and oxycontin. For something to do.

It's too late in the thread, so I'm sure no one will ever read this, but I thought the movie was pretty hilariously off-message. It clearly wanted to be a christian movie, but seemed to make the point that religion should be kept away from people. The ineptness of the direction made it seem more like "God" was saving…

I used to have good memories of Temple of Doom until I watched it again a year or two ago. That movie just fucking sucks. There are a few really iconic scenes, like the ripping-the-heart-from-the-chest thing and the mine cart chase, but even those are really stupid.

I saw the trailer for the Death At a Funeral remake the other day. I'm cautiously optimistic, but I have a sneaking suspicion that it's going suck balls.

Companies like Red Box can actually make a shit-ton of money off direct-to-dvd crap, since people don't really care that much to even know what they're watching as long as it's just a buck or two. If it's got a recognizable face, people will rent it.

It's only the size of your heart
Don't most little people end up dying of organ failure because their hearts and other organs are too large for their frame?

I think it's similar to Twilight. It wouldn't be so bad if it were just Kidz Bop or something, but this shit is everywhere. The elevation of this kind of music to where it's acceptable for a grown woman or even someone in their late teens to listen to is ridiculous. It's the same sort of…

You know it is technically possible to have sex with a woman without marrying her. Maybe they didn't teach you that at Oral Roberts University, but it can happen.

Thank god, somebody on the internet finally answered the burning question of whether ot not they would fuck Taylor Swift. We can all breath a sigh of relief.

Sam Adams is kickin' some interview ass up in here. Nothing wrong with trying hard.

I like that big-screen HDTVs & home theater systems have gotten so inexpensive that people can't wait for the DVD to see it how the director REALLY intended it.

Domino's is only acceptable when you're fucking starving and drunk off your ass.

Ha ha, I was going to make that same joke, pinnacle.