This. I do not work in food service or retail (because I am really bad at it), but if a restaurant says they close at 11, I interpret that as meaning, be the fuck out of there by eleven.

It would be a much better story if I did, but alas, I did not.

My freshman year of high school I got a pair of clam diggers. They were actually adorable on me, but too avant garde for my school, where girls only wore capris that were relatively short and very very tight. I got teased all day, but most especially by Jerry, the cutest boy in school. After softball practice I walked…

Ugh. Just so much ugh.

She looks good, but I am so sick of this trend.

That dress length + flats = frumpsville somehow. Sorry Karlie.

Yeah, I’ve worked at private schools in L.A., and secret parent meetings with fired teachers sounds like a fucking nightmare, but this director handled it all wrong.

I’m so sorry for your loss. It sounds like a beautiful service.

I am mormon, and a lot of mormons are buried in their temple clothes, which are only supposed to be handled by other mormons who have been to the temple, so the body has to be dressed by someone from the family or the ward (local congregation). When my brother died, my husband dressed his body.

For some standardized test in high school I had to read an essay (I think it was by George Bernard Shaw, but I’m not 100% on that) about his mother’s cremation and how much she would have loved it.

One of Charles’s other mistresses (Louise Frenchlastname, I think?) was super hoity-toity and full of herself and got Charles to give her some fancy ass carriage, so Nell got some shitty old cart and would ride past her house and yell, “Whores to court! Whores to court!” She was the best.

Your comment posted three times, and I can’t be mad at you

That’s the thing that kills me when people talk about “waiting periods” in Canada. I used to work for a surgeon. I had to schedule his surgeries. If you need surgery in the US, especially if it isn’t an outpatient procedure, you aren’t going to get in tomorrow. It’s going to be a few weeks.

They actually are. At least, the extreme right wing is. There was an article on TPM about it this week. They are saying that Cruz, Marco Rubio, Bobby Jindal, and Rick Santorum are ineligible because they have non-American parents.

My friend threw her boyfriend a surprise 21st birthday party at Chuck E Cheese, and he was kind of a dick about it, which was especially lame because we were all Mormon, so it’s not like he was going to go out and get drunk...

This is true. I once left my car running for three hours, and there was still plenty of gas when I finally got back into it.

Oh my gosh, so much this. People act like the smaller the wedding, the more righteous you are, and they get competitive about it, like, “My engagement ring only cost $30 and our wedding was in the woods with ten people. We had to pack out our own poop.” “Really? So big? I just went to City Hall on my lunch break and…

She was offered a spot on SNL but chose to do Friends instead. She really is a great comedienne.

Me too. Not every bad thing happens to every woman, you guys.

I had diarrhea with every contraction until I there was nothing left in me. This was during early labor, in the privacy of my own bathroom, so I didn’t poop on the table. You can just hope for the joy of my experience.