Dude needs a protein shake, didn't even have the strength to push his ticket all the way down his pocket.

Ahhhh, Texas. Where nobody knew the movie was a book first, my IQ jumped 75 points as soon as I hit the dirt in Dallas.

The skinnier gay Dad from Modern Family is the Browns QB?

Creepiest shit ever.

He was kicked out of the mall down the street from me last year because his pants were sagging too low, it's all Dallas media talked about for a fucking month. Now he's a good boy and can shop at Hollister all he wants.

Megatron is the Wes Welker of black receivers.

Quit hating on Dez, he's cleaned up his life and has clearance to shop at any mall in the DFW area he chooses.

I love the internet because I can hate your friend too without meeting him.

Bobby Bowden is still alive?

Yup. Only a golfer knows there's a huge difference between 89 & 90.

I'm good at sports, was an NCAA decathlete. I've been playing golf for 5 years, this season I played every week. The days I break 90, it's fucking PARTY TIME . Golf is so humbling, I love it.

No problem with this, plenty of new web millionaires in the Bay Area to justify the additional $25k. It's a fucking Corvette, not milk, please stem the outrage people.

The longest yardon.

Also on the threatened list, a giant bag of Funyuns and the $300 a month his Mom will lose in rental income if he goes to jail.

Sorry for the assumptive tweet, what we meant was Willy can start a tech company that helps farmers manage their mules and acreage via cloud based web solution.

Wait, I thought Jenkins was GOOD at covering dicks.

In case anyone was curious, the payoff on a $10 bet that Gronk would teach at Harvard is around $789,000.

"NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" - Reid's cardiologist

No way Deadspin, NO WAY I'm helping accelerate this obvious Depends ploy for viral advertising.