Happy wifes, happy life!

If you ever decide to randomly meet and then quickly get engaged to another woman. Come out at 39 and get written out of your mother’s will for doing so. Then immediately try to immigrate to the United States with little to no planning...

Instead of hearts and flowers and jewelry I got to take my dog for The Big Sleep with zero warning on Valentine’s Day. (CW: Pet Death.)

For 35 minutes.

Like I care what anyone thinks of Point Break’s name.

Happy Cat Burgling Update after the jump.

I know there might be a few people here interested in the pussy grabbing I was preparing to engage in last week. So here is a little update about The Samantha Situation.

Well, winter is here and it brought my Busted Winter Face along with it. And miracle of miracles: It’s not just my regular Busted Winter Face- apparently this is perrrrrioooooral deeeermatitis-is-is-is! YUSSSS, KING! YUSSSSSSS!

As someone who just started a Holiday Dice Crash Diet (I’m eating nothing but icosahedron shaped plastic till January 21st) I found this post to be incredibly offensive and glib. It’s also kind of Puffer Fish-ist, which is very problematic.

Boy, you are being oppressed and you don’t even know it.

I just had a creepy trip to the laundromat. And it wasn't a creepy guy creeping on me and oogling my delicates as they tumble or fold.

... This is kind of important.

This brick of spaghetti has been on my mind all day. I want a brick of spaghetti.