RT @Ravens The child deeply regrets his role in the incident.

Roger Goodell and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Week.

I never knew that the terrorists had such advanced views on women's issues.

"That's their personal business" might be the dumbest fucking statement uttered in this whole situation. Aaron Hernandez murders his friend execution style? THAT'S THEIR BUSINESS WE LOVE YOU AARON UR SOOO HAWT

Listen, the terrorists don't hate America because of our freedom or economic policies or the fact that women wear bikinis at the beach. They hate us because of assholes just like this.

For anyone who doesn't know Goodell's history, like me until earlier today: the man has been working for the NFL since college. He's never had a grownup job that didn't involve sucking team owner cock (figuratively speaking).

Ugh, can we stop wasting time and resources on arresting people for totally harmless shit?

I think he got fired from FoxSports and MSNBC. I like to think that he's a dick, but he's our dick. Wait, that sounds wrong.

Is there anything better in sports than an angry Keith Olbermann? He's like the store manager that drops by for a surprise visit when half the restaurant crew is gambling in the back.

I just want to live in a Alternate universe in which this never happened. Also in which the Patriots never won those Super Bowls. Live would be much better.

Hey Roger.....BETTER CALL SAUL!

This whole fiasco kind of puts the whole "Michael Sam is a distraction" argument into its proper context.

Jerry Richardson, owner of the Panthers and employer of one Greg Hardy.

Why people try to bullshit the public anymore? Didn't Goodell think there are ways to track and verify when the video was sent, or even requested by the NFL?

Shit, when part of the video showing Rice dragging his unconscious fiancee outside of the elevator first popped up months ago, why did the NFL not request footage…

Nah, you know how this is really going to end: To prove that the NFL totally loves women, Goodell is going to fire only the woman whose voice appeared in the voicemail, claiming that she never shared the video with anyone else.

How much do you want to bet that he hopes the Jerry Jones sexual assault lawsuit gets REALLY big in the coming days, or that some player is found out to be funding ISIS or hoarding a bunch of Nigerian girls for Boko Haram?

in other news jerry jones is being accused of sexual assault

today, in news we all fucking already knew >:(

Oh man, if this actually brings down Goodell I'm throwing a party, taking donations at the door, and making a contribution to a DV shelter in his name.