“I went one step better and left behind unused ones.” - Shawn Kemp

Well I’m a Yankees fan, so this is my reaction to you right now:

Twinkies and cans of surge

Now that this story is public, he’ll never ketchup in the polls.

Marv Albert and replace “Hair” with “Butt”

“Disorder’s for me. Dat one, too.”

He only made the putt because someone in the crowd told the ball to “get in the hole.”

I’m kinda surprised Duncan hasn’t been pursued by ESPN or TNT as an analyst. He’s incredibly smart and observant of the tiniest details, and the fact that his normal speaking voice is eerily similar to Dave Chappelle imitating a white person probably is considered an asset by broadcasters.

Spurs players will now have bonding sessions while playing Dungeons and Dragons. Awesome.

....he was constantly on the phone with his girlfriend, Lennay Kekua...

I jerked off. A lot. I mean, I still do, but I don’t have roommates.

Defensive shifts are frustrating enough LeMahieu go crazy.

Why would Jesus do that? Because Tebow is more successful than he ever was?

You mean trading away Tyler Seguin for Loui Eriksson and then letting him walk for nothing after a couple years isn’t a sound strategy? What about trading away Boychuk and Hamilton for peanuts when the corpse of Chara is your best defenseman? Think that’ll turn out for the best? How about paying $7.5 million a year…

I know there was no other option, but manufacturing an event and putting it in the middle of the busiest sports season wasn’t really all that smart.

Why are you surprised they mourn the right way?

except the cops made it a point to say alcohol or illegal drugs were believed to not have been involved (pending toxicology reports)

Scioscia’s favorite double play is when he polishes off a hot dog and a hamburger in a single half inning