My dear, I don’t mean to make you sad.

He’s not running away.

This peckerwood has to be on something. Coke? Steroids?

It looks like he lost his associate too (she’s no longer listed on his website) — good for her, this sort of stain won’t look good on anyone’s resume.

Here’s me today:

This MoreWillie vlogger dude is not ugly at all, and is in fact a babe. That is all.

I think it’s telling that his go-to insult isn’t “asshole” or “dipshit,” but “ugly foreigner,” right off the top of his head.

He’s a rich, arguably good-looking dude living in New York City. Imagine having all that and still somehow living in a boiling cauldron of rage.

Plot twist: Somehow, he’s even worse than we imagined.

His name is Schlossberg. The alt-right won’t want him around either.

LOOK AT HIM RUN!!!!

“An ABC News reporter confirmed that Schlossberg is no longer welcome in the building where he rents office space.”

Straight EVICTED. This makes me happy. 

Tuba Man is an actual American Hero. I love him so much

He doesn’t even deserve the happiness that mariachis bring. He needs to get tuba’d everywhere from now on.

He doesn’t deserve the tacos, save them for the workers at that deli.

Amen, brother. Got to strap a gun to your hip and defend the nation against those dangerous dishwashers; against bright children keening for higher education; against the people who are, at this very moment, fixing your plumbing, tending your garden, and painting your home.

“Horton, Here’s a Poo!”

I literally covered my mouth with one hand like a bad actress.

these two reactions, on a loop, throughout reading this article. omfg.

best quote from the news clip: