May 9: “1 YEAR”

“Stay your ass in your crawl space.”

The last sentence of the Norm MacDonald item seems suspiciously placed...almost like it’s a hopeful prediction for the Lena Dunham item.

Thank you for preparing me for this eventuality. Mondays are bad enough without being blindsided by shit like that.

I’d watch that one.

Idea I’m ashamed crossed my mind: a rock opera about the Trump Administration.

I watch his clips from time-to-time, and usually just roll my eyes through his attempts to show his “independence” by “sticking it to the liberals.” But this one is just so...weak.

“on behalf of the viewers???”

Admittedly, I’ve been out of the market the last 10 years, but I’m pretty sure that $92,000 is one hell of a markup for a quarter pound of weed.

I can’t be the only one who read “Rhode Island’s youngest state senator” in the headline, glanced down to see a video freeze-frame of Paul DiMaio, and wondered “that’s Rhode Island’s youngest senator?”

Hell, if Miller’s hands had free will, even they wouldn’t have sex with him.

a crispy Christian crust

FUCK

“Let’s snort Adderall, make out, and kill Heather.”

God-DAY-UM, this coach is a piece of shit. There’s another article currently on Deadspin about a player who should have stopped talking one sentence sooner than he did. This coach should have just ended at “rocked your world so hard” (and even that choice of wording was enough to signal a disaster was on its…

Using the Compass-supplied photos, I’ve taken my own mental tour of the house, stripping out all portable furnishings, and...my God. What a fucking hideous living space.

And do what, for fuck sake? Is Mueller going to stop investigating if we don’t keep “our eye on the goddamn ball?” Are Flynn’s lawyers going to reverse course if we don’t keep “our eye on the goddamn ball?” I’m so tired of all you “I’m-better-than-you-at-seeing-what-Trump’s-really-doing” assholes lecturing the rest of…

she just eats too fast

Forget the hair. Look at those fucking dead eyes. JFC, no wonder he writes horror. (And by “writes horror,” I mean his legal opinions, not his novels.)

Megyn Kelly released Jill Biden, and kept Joe Biden on for one more block.