I failed (twice) to get past nice, perky, 23-year-old tits

Hungry Hungry Homer says Go 'Topes!

Goodell should've issued this dictum during the whole Spygate thing. Belichick would be lionized for cracking down on the gang subculture within the league's coaching ranks.

@TheK-GunNeedsReloaded: I beg to differ, unless the NBA luxury tax is under $75.

Gehrig's car got 40 rods to the hogshead, and that's the way he liked it.

It's good to see something on another site that I can totally get behind.

Somewhere, Erin Andrews just got a little bit "tingly".

@Becky'MI: Available on iTunes!

"It was like a Lifetime movie. I'd never seen anything like it."

@stealofthedraft: By threatening a move to Jacksonville....which already has a nicer stadium than Minny.

@Johnny LaRue: Chances are his middle name is short for Constantine also.

So if there are 30 players and coaches involved in this game, how many wives do they have? 45?

@TigerWoodsHole: I made that gesture in college after nailing the hot chick that I "didn't have a chance in hell" with. I think I stole it from Dan Fielding. It seemed much more appropriate than thanking God.

By my reckoning, Chelsie and Nastia are also fair game. So I'm not a pedophile....just a dirty old man.

I think this boils down to one key question, Pearlman....did you or did you not check out the ass on that stallion? I'll bet you did....and if so, was it truly fantastic?

@The Ronettes Sing Medieval Agrarian History: Is Major Asshole too easy?

I for one am appalled at high school kids jumping immediately to the professional ranks. They're not fully developed, and really need a year or two in an NCAA program to prepare them for such a life.

I don't see the problem with posting a picture of an 18-YO wearing a cheerleading outfit. She's an adult. It's not a violation of any indecency statute that I'm aware of to show an adult, or even high schooler, in a cheerleading get-up. What am I missing? You know, besides nailing high school chicks?

I swear, the next person who posts a geographic pun is getting Krakowed upside the head.

@Casey Dick in a Box: My wife received a similar letter after complaining about her Crimson Tide.