God this needs to be a gif!!

Wow! Well, it's nice she's using it for fundraising.

Jesus Christ. Spending more time fucking with cell formatting than thinking to himself, "What could I do to change our dynamic?" This poor woman is probably horrified she's married to such a petulant adolescent. I hope he finds this article.

22nd. I know it and it's not my birthday. #Owningit

OHH OHH!!! We have a dark horse! PaperLion and retrogirl, neck and neck…

This refute is so much better than all the rest of us trying to characterize it...

So all the people on his staff are results of ILLEGITIMATE rape then? Because their mothers conceived? I'M FOLLOWING YOU NOW, TODD. It's all clear.

WAIT. Tell me about this new topic, Number 8...

I know, right? It's obvious those topics are mutually exclusive! And what fun would it be if one statement didn't reflect someone's view on ALL THE THINGS?

Ehh, I think you can "believe" both of them. As to whether it was assault or not, I'd say I have to go with yes. That's her call, not his. She's NOT asking for money. He's the one with the fancy lawyers. So, what does she get out of this, besides her own peace of mind? Frankly, I think most men and women have a story…

OH!! The Mom should get a job that PAYS MORE! God, why didn't SHE think of that?!

She's NINE in a park with 40+ kids and other adults. If she got hit by a car or met a stranger on her playground at school, her Mom wouldn't be there either—one of the nearby humans with a cellphone (kids OR adults) would call 911.

Right. Meanwhile, she's probably on Pinterest ignoring the fuck out of her own kids while they swing from their necks on the jungle gym, but the black kid with no black adult around caught her eye and she decided to be a 'good samaritan'.

Or just decides he wants sex.

I kind of imagine to myself that when the NFL players were staging this out, NOBODY wanted to be the guy who said this line...

Sigh. I'm going to use the Virgin Mary defense. Change my name. Start a religion. They should be more comfortable with that explanation, right?

Oh, and it's even more brazen than that, right. We find ourselves in an age where "slut" and "keep your legs closed" and "Uncle Sugar" etc. pass for acceptable comments in nationally publicized debates and statements. Throw in a sorrynotsorry apology a few days later, and still these people are considered worthy of…

I know, right? How do you feel about your husband after that. 'Thanks, honey'? God I hope they have a 13-year-old girl themselves. That would make this full circle.

How about calling instead of texting every last thing? It really does take more time to text, sometimes. Also, texting has killed dating. Much more so than the holding-door vote up there. That is all.

For a split second I was impressed that they coordinated their outfits and then I noticed the people behind them and realized, in their world, black-and-white parties are actually a real thing. *headdesk*