I've walked out of a yoga studio wishing it would burn to the ground sometimes. After I nearly suffocated myself in my boobs because of too many shoulder stands, I was ready.

Spending $1 million a month is insane to me. I mean, right now I am getting excited about being able to buy some new yoga pants at the end of the month and MAYBE a teeshirt. Little spoiled brat.

I get that he has more money than all of Delaware, but why does this jerkamo keep getting pets? Which one of his handlers says yes to this?!

fun fact! I am on a train right now and Amtrak is resisting only two of these dick pics.

My mom made my husband sleep in separate rooms until we got married, even though we had been living together for 6 years.

Whatever. It's a wine post, so I get to use my favorite wine gif.

This is clearly a "having none of your shit" face. Bro trying to kiss her, back off.

aw yeah! I couldn't afford the real thing, but I had a sweet pair of knock offs, which I made even sweeter with adding an Underdog patch to them. I was so hip. And by hip I mean tragically unhip.

This would be blown up, framed, and hanging above my mantel if this was at my wedding. I adore this picture.

flappy ears are always welcomed.

YES! That bulldog puppy was what I needed.

I approve of this kitty cuddle puddle.

Jeebus, is it Shitty Dad Day on Jezebel? Please tell me this is the last of these articles for at least today.

My pipes are frozen at the moment, and I just had to wash my hair with a bucket of water, so somebody else please make a Mortal Kombat joke because I am too tired to do so.

Well, NOW I get it...

Wait, what does the frog and soup emojis mean? Is this hip twitter slang that I was not aware of because I am 30 years old and than means I am no cool anymore?!

I have a friend who runs a foot cart in Portland. She has so many stories of people watching their gluten intake who order the meatballs (which have breadcrumbs in them, and she tells that to every customer), that it's not even funny anymore. And they always respond with, "well, a little is OK."

I was planning on ebaying the dress, and then putting it back on ebay post-wedding.

My friend is making us get J Crew bridesmaid dresses, which are TWICE as much as my wedding dress for my own wedding.

Dog, knitting, LEGO, booze.