My worst holiday party was a Thanksgiving at my grandma's house.

One in every 20,000 eggs carries the salmonella bacteria, according to the American Egg Board, and I'm pretty sure the alcohol will kill whatever bacteria that crawls in. At least, that's what I'm telling myself every time I drink boxed wine out of a coffee mug I haven't washed in a week.

I, your noble shade servant, Ruth Shader Ginsberg

This post is now my favorite thing ever.

I approve of glitter only for Christmas. Please keep it off of my Halloween decorations.

As a wife of professor, I will point out that my husband would get some terrible reviews from students (both male and female), however his reviews drastically changed to five stars once he started bringing our dog into class.

I've never used a ouija board but has always wanted to. I feel like a bit of my childhood has gone unfulfilled.

"ahaha, yeah, I sure to hate these things!"

Well I know what I'm doing tonight (cracks open box of wine).

I am so glad to find out that my pug isn't the only dog who doesn't care about fetch...and by care I mean hasn't figured out where the squeaky ball goes once it is up in the air.

My sister's boyfriend took the last drumstick and I was about to finish him because I earned that drumstick after making the mashed potatoes and the green beans. AND THEN, my grandma knocked over my wine glass and all casually blamed it on me.

Me every time I try to walk past the samples at CostCo.

this is what I needed to see! Good luck on doggie surgery!

this can't be real, right? I mean, nobody is THAT much of an asshole. Please somebody restore my faith in humanity by posting articles about people who save puppies.

Good to see I'm not the only one who would have a mini breakdown if these two ever divorce.

I think they're counting every time it's on at the gym as part of those millions of viewers. Which is normally the time I give up on the treadmill...

Unless you try to eat all my freaking dessert....

https://www.vosgeschocolate.com/product/gourme… it's amazing.

My husband hid my ring in a box of Bacon Toffee Chocolate. After I said yes/cried, I got real serious and asked what he did with the chocolate because I would take back my 'yes' if there was no dessert. So maybe those were really just empty boxes and she got upset?

My husband had a tumor debulked around his eye socket and it took him a while to get used to the change in his face.