I am so glad to find out that my pug isn't the only dog who doesn't care about fetch...and by care I mean hasn't figured out where the squeaky ball goes once it is up in the air.

My sister's boyfriend took the last drumstick and I was about to finish him because I earned that drumstick after making the mashed potatoes and the green beans. AND THEN, my grandma knocked over my wine glass and all casually blamed it on me.

Me every time I try to walk past the samples at CostCo.

this is what I needed to see! Good luck on doggie surgery!

this can't be real, right? I mean, nobody is THAT much of an asshole. Please somebody restore my faith in humanity by posting articles about people who save puppies.

Good to see I'm not the only one who would have a mini breakdown if these two ever divorce.

I think they're counting every time it's on at the gym as part of those millions of viewers. Which is normally the time I give up on the treadmill...

Unless you try to eat all my freaking dessert....

https://www.vosgeschocolate.com/product/gourme… it's amazing.

My husband hid my ring in a box of Bacon Toffee Chocolate. After I said yes/cried, I got real serious and asked what he did with the chocolate because I would take back my 'yes' if there was no dessert. So maybe those were really just empty boxes and she got upset?

My husband had a tumor debulked around his eye socket and it took him a while to get used to the change in his face.

This entire franchise, the books and movie: just seriously a whole bunch of yawns. I'm just not that interested in any of it.

Did you have any say in the cover art for your books? Those are some of the campiest, spookiest, weirdest children book covers I remember.

For the briefest moment I thought Patti LaBelle ACTUALLY died and I was going to get super pissed about the totally inappropriate headline.

I was slightly underwhelmed by the creepiness of it all, does that make me a weirdo?

It's kind of telling if she thought she needed to keep the Rock Hard cream instead of the Deep Throat spray. :/ Awkward teenage sex is awkward.

OK Cupid married here, too! And no, ladies do not get more, I think I got about six replies all together and only went on one other date. Mostly it was a lot of emailing then discovering something that turned me off (one guy said he sometimes ate his own hair. wtf).

I wish I had a more elaborate story to offer, but here's what I got: my shower turns on randomly. Not a little trickle of water, a full blast heat turned all the way up shower. The first time it happened, I assumed some bit of plumbing was loose and gave it a pretty good inspection, tightening what needed to be…

Lizzy Borden if I can find a fake ax.

The little girl who was in Manos now sells Master robes for dogs, which is the most adorable thing ever. https://www.etsy.com/shop/jackeyray…