Although the place where my gallbladder used to be would beg to differ. But YYMV. :D

SERIOUSLY. I refuse to eat low-fat cottage cheese, even if it's "healthier." YOU CAN PRY MY FULL-FAT COTTAGE CHEESE AND YOGURT FROM MY COLD, DEAD HANDS.

real ladies call it a shame-cave

#FreeAirportCoyote

Okay, like, I’ve never given birth or been pregnant, but it seems to me that a person giving birth is not going to be endangering anyone. I mean, I have a hard enough time talking on the phone when I have a stomachache, let alone trying to fight or do whatever it is people are concerned about while giving fucking…

I’d love to show up with my Jewish ass at one of these things and see what happens.

This movie is a gift to humanity.

Obviously she should do whatever she wants with her uterus, but I REALLY REALLY want them to have kids.

And Beck Bennett will play her dad. And Cecily Strong her mother. It writes itself.

YOU’RE NOT MY REAL DAD

I knew something about her reminded me of everyone I went to high school with...

Handsome Reluctant Cannibal is also the name of my hipster band.

I just want everyone to know that I had a borderline-sex dream about One Direction last night. Specifically the blond one. I am not actually a fan, but I’ll take it.

I was at a party last night and asked if anyone had seen this video. Literally ten people shouted “YESSSSSSSS.” Adele bless the Internet.

I backed into a wall on my first driver’s test so... yeah.

I cried on MARTA listening to a Wizard Rock song. More than once. Solidarity.

I’m one of those people who cries if I’m feeling any emotion stronger than about a 7/10. Angry, sad, happy... it doesn’t matter, I’m crying.

Well-done corporate social media presence warms the cockles of my cold, unfeeling heart.

WaHo is the opposite of depressing. Waffle House is the center of all the goodness and happiness in the universe.

My memoirs will be titled, “Why Did I Read the Comments.”