I just remembered that we haven't seen "The Wedding Bride 2" on HIMYM yet.

Purpose

Thus spake another needledicked virgin who thinks that insulting women will make the pain of being rejected by every woman he meets diminish. Protip: you're the problem.

Sweetheart, your dick... you're never going to find a wife with something that tiny.

I bet you cry yourself to sleep in your mom's basement every night after jacking off to hentai.

I think you mean YOUR face. As in, I am going to punch your face in if you keep being a twathole.

High five, fellow large-busted lady. I love freaking out people by waxing poetic on the debate over PostModernism while wearing a skimpy dress. MYTH BUSTED.

I know it's tough top be onstage and that these women are usually not the brightest bulbs in the chandelier, but how hard is it REALLY to give a non-answer?

This thing happened a few months before I started college in SC. In my freshman intro-to-college class, we had to create a thesis, and mine said something about "US Americans" and everything was beautiful.

He was just jealous because no one will ever be as awesome as Kimmie Gibbler.

1) If you want something, ask for it.

Yes because there's no way to fake that...

Oh Lord... what happened to those poor horses before they were made IKEA meatballs?

Uh... have you ever heard of an animal consenting to sex with a human? No? That's right, because it CAN'T.

I keep waking up on top of my phone while it's still plugged in. Not trying to kill me, but not pleasant either.

Yeah, I'm on this really cool diet right now. It's kind of like Paleo, except I eat whatever the fuck I want and falcon punch anyone who criticizes my diet.

"Why? You want company, you bloody cunt?"

Aww man this song. I had one of the worst panic attacks of my life at a dance recital during this, which was before my performance, and during my dance to "Rock and Roll All Night." Not pretty.

I planned my first oral session in advance with an old friend, which gave me plenty of time to run worst-case scanrios. The scariest were farting in his mouth and getting pubes stuck in his teeth.

Thanks for that video, I didn't need to sleep tonight.