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ididthatonce

Happy Friday everyone!

YES! Boyfriend is a little bitter, but nothing terrible. Certainly not anything I'm going to be tasting an hour later.

Truth. Swallowing is a privilege, not a right. Same thing with any other sex act. If you're being a douche, I have the right to revoke access to any orifices at any time.

Hookup with a guy I had hooked up with years before. Also my first blowjob. Shit got weird.

No, just kind of sweaty. It was a weird situation.

Wait wait wait. Are BDSM dungeons, available to the public, a real thing? I always assumed that they were myths like unicorns. Or that what most people call a "dungeon" is actually just someone's basement.

I was about to make a joke, and then I remembered that there is a Jewish prayer for fruit.

Listen, there is only one surefire way to lose weight and keep it off, and that is amputation.

Leggings are great. I have a gray pair that I wear under a sweater dress whenever I don't give a fuck. But I would not wear them to the office or anything else that requires me to brush my teeth. Cover thy ankles at work, children.

Yeah, but wait until you see all the "fuck yous" scribbled on the wall.

Cory Booker is my favorite human.

I just got an LG OneNote, and I love it. It's intuitive, visually appealing, and the sqype function is awesome (although I've had to add a few curse words to its dictionary). To make it even better, it has a $50 rebate from MetroPCS, making it under $100.

Most people win an Oscar before their post-Oscar shitty movie...

I don't really care about One Direction, but I am amused by Zayn because I always like the vaguely ethnic guy that they jam into every boy band. Om nom nom Howie Dorough.

Don Cheadle on a bed of rice.

THISSSS MILF Island is possibly the most perfect 30 minutes of television ever made.

Not Beyonce!

It's what happens when you let your womb stay empty so long.

My dad was convinced for like five years that "The Rainbow Fish" was about communism.

I used to eat leftover candy all the time when I worked at a movie theater. We didn't get discounts on that shit, so it was every man for himself. When you found something sealed? Goldmine.