“Cohen? Hmmm...can’t say I remember ever meeting him. I think he used to get us coffee.” ~Trump, tomorrow

No, it sounds like STUPID TRADE

why u hate ’merica?

The party that claims to love the flag so much sure does some awful fucking things with it...

I thought it sounded more like a stylish watch made from pig leather.

Here’s something pretty scary for a free press: The Department of Homeland Security is quietly compiling a database of and journalists, bloggers, and other “media influencers,” and will monitor social media accounts and 290,000 global news for “any and all” coverage pertaining to the agency.

Oh Mr President, if there’s one thing that your time in office has taught us all, it’s that no matter how bad things get, there’s always an arrogant asshole who can find a way to make things worse...

man, if the military ever does get deployed to the border I really look forward him tweeting stuff like “WEAK military won’t shoot to kill at border. Insists on arresting ILLEGALS! Will replace soon. SAD!”

Ever have a roommate who would text you from the next room rather than just walk the 10 feet and talk? Yeah...

HE IS THE PUPPETMASTER!!!

Also, if Weird Al isn’t working on a song called ‘NDA’ based on Kendrick Lamar’s ‘DNA’ and Trump’s favorite legal tactic, I’m going to be very disappointed.

...even Barron, the president’s 12-year-old son...

I’m not the biggest fan of Amazon as a company but...

I’d prefer singing telegram...

I think it’s just as likely that it was the only one that Trump could think of to fill the position.

“Let’s see...veterans...health...doctors...hey, what about that guy who showed me the pictures of the cow and the camel a few months ago? He seemed nice!”

Naw, he’s going to be taking over as director of the FDA.

also:

Mitt, if you have to change constantly(!!!!) to get certain people to like you, they’re not really your friends...

“Numbers tied to economic performance are higher and/or lower than they have been in an unspecified time period. Certain unnamed companies in undefined industries have achieved a high degree of ‘strength’, a trait which is in some way good”

~A man who definitely understands the modern American economy and is not just…

So I’m warning you, tread very fucking lightly, because what I’m going to do to you is going to be fucking disgusting. You understand me?