One point of clarification - property taxes are less in the city than they are in pretty much any suburb you can think of. Chicago (mostly correctly) gets portrayed as the Tax Boogeyman, but the property taxes aren’t bad. My dad pays about what I pay and gets McHenry for his money. Eesh.

Co-sign x 1,000.

As a parent raising two kids in that very city, I can disagree firsthand: 

Well, it’s from five years earlier than this one, and also it’s a completely different kind of film.

I hate to tell you this, but there’s a free shuttle from the Millenium Garage and dumps you out right at Soldier Field.

It’s fine for some stuff. Garlic, nuts .... eh, end of list. Sucks for onions, hilarious for tomatoes, will break for potatoes.

His strike zone as a third base umpire?

Oh man, those are the worst. Asking them why investing with their advice would work better than a passive low-cost fund usually does it for me.

My mom knew I wanted one and bought the one she thought looked best. My dad saw it and made her exchange it for a Bulls one. And that’s the story of how a young white kid ALMOST got a Howard University Starter jacket.

A friend of mine worked at a gross bar in Chicago in 2012. The water went down temporarily and management just decided to let it ride. So they’d warn people, but if they had to go ... (shrug). This included people with a real need to poop, as well as ladies with certain sanitary needs. Once the water came back on,…

Muddy Waters, various windows. Sometimes unseen a-holes drum on plastic buckets. A real Walden.

Second guy’s going to have a hell of a time explaining that to his Rent-a-Center rep.

I had friends with a 14 year old son stay over. My Netflix account the next morning showed a couple episodes of Narcos and a disturbing amount of erotic thrillers. I’D HAVE GIVEN YOU THE WIFI PASSWORD, KID!

How do you get Jimmy Johns toasted? Do you have to take it to Subway or something?

I worked with Warren Sapp on a food show pilot. We’d already shot a bunch of footage and they wanted a football-type guy to come in and shoot some wraparound stuff. He was one of the worst human beings I’ve ever met. Nice to me and my co-host, absolute yelling dick to the producers, camera people, etc. He couldn’t…

Terrible thing to happen, but at least they’re raising money for ALS.