Strike out the Christian and traveled parts and it’ll probably be me next year! Womp womp.

He had eye cancer when he was a kid, or something like that.

He got into an accident as a kid and developed congenital glaucoma. Doctor’s managed to save one eye. As to why he isn’t wearing an eye patch? Because he fucking owns it, in my opinion.

Jesus, fucking Christ. I suggested that over DAYS someone in an elevator with no functioning vents as the power was off, in a sealed elevator in a sealed shaft might eventually asphyxiate. It doesn’t have to be entirely airtight for that to take place. It may indeed not happen, it was just a suggestion- no need to…

Many times, in families where a loved one has a mental illness, they disappear so many times that the family becomes accustomed to them coming and going.

I don’t know what she looks like, so I’m imagining a Latina Jo Frost.

You know, those spicy Latinas! You can’t leave them around your husband unless you want her to seduce him with her voodoo hips and flaming tamale lips.

I am not sure she is coming out as a Republican but rather saying that Kasich would be the best of the Republican candidates, which I would agree with.

That’s not how trademarks work.

Bet you some of them are just really amazing Aunts.

To be fair, if every moron I’ve ever met suddenly decided to be rabidly, aggressively pro-me, I’d be feeling pretty safe to do and say whatever I want, as well.

Those are also 4 of the most disliked Care Bears ever.

“Thank you for coming in today Mrs. Cosby. Now if you will just drink this, we can get started.”

i wouldn’t

That show is my favorite thing on TV right now, and it is 99% because of Louie Anderson as Christine Baskets. I thought it would be some kind of novelty thing at first, but I forgot it was him after a couple of minutes because he plays her so effortlessly. Last night’s episode was amazing.

I think certain guys donning drag have been amazing in doing so. Nick Kroll on Kroll Show with his Liz and Liz sketches was great, as he was lampooning the vapid air of Bravo reality shows. The Kids in the Hall guys were equally brilliant, regardless of which characters they were playing. And right now, Louie Anderson…

I totally get this. I had a little Rat Terrier named Dott for almost 15 years until she needed to be put down. It was a painful decision, but on some level I was relieved. Bear in mind I did love this little shithead despite her personality. She was mean even as a palm-sized pocket puppy and grew to a massive 5 lbs.…

Kim thought she was marrying up. The realization that one, indeed, married down is what ends relationships. Write this down, folks.

No one noticed!

Coffee snobs are the crossfitters of the beverage world.