Don’t use my last name. But please do broadcast my smug, punchable face on national television!

I woke up to the AP alert about his “locked and loaded” comment and immediately wanted to crawl back into bed. Someone, anyone, for the love of God, TAKE HIS FUCKING PHONE AWAY!! I would really like to not be lead into a nuclear war because of fucking twitter. Jesus H Christ. These emotional and petulant man babies…

It wins alone for the “By Mennen” jingle interspersed throughout. It always made me wonder if it was a riff on an old Ellen Degeneres standup where she used the Mennen jingle as a way to disrupt her thoughts.

Oh come the fuck on. Modern Family gets nominated and not Black-ish!!??? MF was good the first season or two, but it is horrible now . And Black-ish continues to just get better and better. This is ridiculous.

“The View” sketches were some of the first ones Tina Fey ever wrote for SNL! She said there was this crazy show happening during the day and none of the male writers had even heard of it.

Fucking.

This is so you...

I guess she grew less and less fond of playing with his giga-stick.

I’ll leave this here:

God help me, I just love Tracy Morgan. I can’t help it.

“Yes, I AM a lawyer!”

Also so 1997? Literally everyone’s hair.

My mom was 18 when she started going out with my 38 year old dad. They’re still together, though now it has evened out and they’re 64 and 84.

hahahah that’s Arrested Development type wordplay

She is apparently really popular in places like Dubai, which is inexplicable to me, but she rakes in millions and millions DJing. I hope that depresses you as much as it does me!

I would watch a show of her watching Keeping Up With the Kardashians and shittalking them throughout.

Well, his wife and kids might deserve better. She’s not the one tweeting about the affair and the aftermath.

About as classy as using twitter to air/address the dirty laundry.

I WAS HALFWAY THROUGH TYPING THIS EXACT COMMENT!