Counterpoint: Gareth Bale’s bald spot-obscuring man bun is fooling no one.

Narrator: He is not

WHO’S A GOOD BOY?

*Narrator voice* It was not art

There were some fine people there.

All Irish people are related obv

And CNN

Still Life With No Pecker

I, for one, look forward to Danny Rose going to United and getting paid then immediately turning back into a pumpkin.

I honestly think that’s just cover for still being completely overextended without that sweet, sweet Ponzi scheme cash.

god damn it

Rafa Márquez being exposed as a criminal comes as no surprise to me as I watched him steal money from the Red Bulls for years. You can still find his jersey on the clearance racks at Red Bull Arena, which is also be a crime.

Is it a snuff talk show? Because I would watch the shit out of that.

That was the best performance by a Mets pitcher this season.

THE EAGLES

If you bet on the Jets to lose, they will manage to win just to spite you.

I, for one, would like to take a moment to publicly thank the NY Jets for curing my NFL addiction.

#equinedoping

Andreoli is reportedly in talks to sell his bicycle to a Chinese multinational and become the Italian Prime Minister’s press secretary.

I thought that Lance Armstrong had been barred from all professional sports.