"If I can't harass, intimidate and punch my way to true love, how will I ever find it? Must I die alone????"

Whatever. Classless basic bitch decides to act . . . like a classless basic bitch.

I am now imagining this entire installment singing "Latch" by Sam Smith.

Not gonna lie: I really enjoy the idea of a stuffed animal having its own stuffed animal.

Why would he ask white people? They wouldn't fit the profile of an illegal immigrant near the border.

Remember ladies, there are absolutely zero right ways to be a victim of sexual assault!

Acquire status, impregnate high-quality females, provide and protect.

The following is a list of "off price" clothing stores that also may act as reasons for Old Navy to go kick rocks:

Cry havoc and let slip the puppies of war?

Honestly, I would be much more concerned about free-swinging boobs being mistaken for big, warm cat toys, resulting in . . . some very unpleasant injuries.

The only good things about the Christmas season is all the holiday flavored crap (gingerbread, mint, PUMPKIN SPICE, etc).

Damn . . . and I always thought Joe Jonas was the hot one.

It is a slang term . . . for a sex act. Basically, a circle-jerk. Definitely not something you want to Google.

"bubbke bath and wine"?

He aiight, I wouldn't kick hit outta bed for eating crackers.

My uncle grew up on a farm that raised and slaughtered chickens. He is almost 70 now. He still actively avoids eating chicken.

You are not alone in this feeling.

I am imagining this will now be you:

Not gonna lie: more than once, I have responded to racist shit (to date, always from White people) by going "hahahaha . . . White people *sigh*," and walking off.

I figured, and I was tempted to ETA it cause I thought I was having a bit of a reading comprehension/"read between these lines please" fail.