In my closet. At my funeral or divorce  I want to rig it to fly out on a wire like a ghost.

No, asshole. It’s religious if we call them a climate change apostate or global warming heretic. Denier is simply what they’re doing, like with the holocaust.

And in the end, ‘twas vibe that killed the bitch.

Are people more or less buoyant when their bowels are full?

Oh my god I feel so old right now.

Magicians is great, Expanse is Killer. I’d actually argue that Magicians is kind of like a story about Oz/Narnia and what they mean to young fans when they reach adulthood.

Herself. I’d bet anything that her pastor told her that she needs to go to Jesus with a clean conscience so she can get into heaven.

I kind of love that WaPo is now just flat-out saying that Trump is lying:

Point out that close to 50% of fertilized eggs fail to implant in the uterus naturally, and they get really mad at you.

Hate to break it to you. You won’t win. There are low self-esteem, psychotic dads out there that need to prove themselves by building winning pine wood derby cars. It completely destroys the meaning behind the event.

If those Bundy fundies thought that the fed’s grazing fees were high, just wait until they get the invoice from Exxon-Mobil.

I find that not baiting your traps with small children helps tremendously.

There once was a fool from Manhattan

A very special ripped from the headlines episode about a classic werewolf catching movie cruelly remade with women who the men only consider “kinda” sexy!

Wait...is she gonna push Tim Allen off of a roof?

Follow-up question: “Well, since you came to precisely the opposite conclusion just two months ago when you were currying favor with the President-Elect, how do we know you won’t again compromise your legal opinion? Are we expected to have you testify under oath regarding each legal position you take? WHAT IN THE…

I wash mine once a week at least, more frequently if I spill wine on them.

This. The false equivalencies this cycle were amazing.

I Am Legend done right.

Saw it on Saturday, absolutely terrific flick.