I loved my participation trophies. I displayed them proudly.

I’m tearing up, man.

I also wish to be the highest paid player in the NFL.

o’bummer.

All cities in Texas suck. Texas is hell.

“burbs where you never have to actually go into the city”

The Bears will give you guys Jay Cutler in exchange for a stale bottle of Lone Star. Deal?

You’re not the only one. I want the shit (team) show.

I’m too old to give a fuck.

nnnnooooope!

After making all the athletes run and bike through dangerous levels of soot and smog in China, why not have the swimmers swim through shit in Rio.

holy shit! who’s the guy in the picture?

If the restaurant fucks up your order or gives you food that tastes like the shit I took earlier, send it back. Just don’t be a dick about it.

Kane, you suck you asshole rapist.