oh god oh god someone else’s comment reminded me of another bathroom story!!!

You called the Ministry of Defence? I am impressed they came!

Not a bathroom, but still poo-related.

A Seattle book store that allowed cats to reign supreme and a sign on the bathroom door that said “Bathrooms are no longer available for customers. Go die somewhere else junkie.” I could be merging two different bookstores together because that was over a decade ago but I think that was the store.

Year ago I wore a brand new pair of cowboy boots to work. I was so proud of them and pleased with them that I didn’t switch to my shoes right away, I walked around for a while to give people a chance to admire them. The floor plan was designed so that you could do a complete circuit of the hallway and end up back in…

I’m late to the game, but one time my friend and I took the T to the Quincy Adams station outside of Boston, and we both really had to go. She was in flip flops, which will come into play later. So we get off the train, and she sprints down the stairs and into the ladies room.

Trying to fix a clogged toilet on my locomotive, I followed the instructions, isolated the air and water cocks. Flushed the toilet. A massive amount of human waste and effluent water straight in my face. Amazingly I didn’t lose it, but instead walked back to the cab and proceeded to wash out my eyes and mouth with…

It was mid-August, and my husband and I were walking our black Lab Flossie in the woods, off-leash. She kept tearing past us and then stopping to wait for us to follow her. Every time she tore past we got a brief whiff of something terrible. She was going so fast it was hard to know, but she looked shiny,…

I have twins. When they were almost 2 we were at a restaurant with no changing table (yay) and of course they both had dirty diapers that needed to be changed. I bring a chair in the ladies and with a balancing act, change boy twin. Girl twin DISAPPEARS. I freak. No, she hasn’t wandered back to our table. It occurs to…

My friend used to work at a burrito chain, and a homeless man would come in somewhat frequently. One day he ordered a burrito and locked himself in the bathroom for an unusually long time. When he left my friend went in and saw the burrito on floor, with crumpled paper towels around it. Not eaten but obviously had…

I live in Portland Oregon. Relevant because our city government has adopted a policy of malign neglect to the homeless. You can set up a tent, even a tent city, pretty much anywhere on city property that isn’t a city park.

I was at a concert once, and during the intermission there was a mad rush for the men’s room. There were lines not only for the stalls, for the urinals and for the sinks, but also for a large plastic garbage can.

Ha! My mom gets those personal massagers and uses them on her back, like god intended, you heathen. BUT she calls them vibrators so when she called and told me she got a new vibrator.....there was a very long pause on my end until I realized what she was talking about.

When I was a kid, I was looking for hair gel in my mom’s bathroom. I found a purple bottle that looked like it was for hair so I put some in my hands and was about to use when I noticed that unlike other hair gel it was pretty slick and didn’t really stick to anything.

I put a tiny bit of it in my hair, didn’t do…

HA! About six months ago my brother was at the house doing some work when my young son runs into the room with my pink vibrator rubbing it against his cheek, going “this feels great”! I screamed and it was so confusing (for son) and so fucking awkward for brother. DIED.

since this is a pissing contest after all I’m going to one-up you.*

Video of my parents, courtesy of a random unlabeled VHS I found under the TV cabinet. I literally dove across the room to push the off button.

My mom doesn’t do vibrators -- she uses personal massagers like you see in the grocery stores. And as a kid, I found hers and used it on my back. It wasn’t until years later that I understood why she was so freaked out by finding me with it.

she must have really appreciated that! how long had it been missing?

My parents having sex on the floor of the living room when I was a kid. They don’t know I saw them. It was late at night about 30 years ago, I was supposed to be asleep, and I can still picture it like it was yesterday. I remember thinking “you will never unsee this.” And I was right.