WAT.

“That’s cute,” says Talladega. “Now hold my beer.”

It sounds like you’re trying to tell the rich how to do something?

Hayden Lorell:

Didn’t do anything in my car today except go to Target.

How did you know about Aunt Bob? She’s very secretive.

I, for one, welcome our Doof Warrior lord and savior.

Are you for fucking real, my dude? He spent eight years being the punching bag for every dogwhistling shitlord in America, watched as his supposedly anointed successor got beaten by the king of the dogwhistling shitlords, and then tried to make sure that the Heat Miser WOULDN’T drive the country into the ground, all…

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA suck it, Susan.

Well damn. I guess I should’ve foregone the minivan a decade ago and Felt The Excitement™ instead.

Give me Spacehog or give me death.

Well, here it is, the stupidest thing I’m going to see today.

What the actual unholy fuck.

Thank you for your reasonable and measured evaluation of what is decidedly a puerile and juvenile film. And now, if I may, a counterpoint:

No doubt a guest post from a certain former Jalopnik contributor.

I was a year old when The Wrath of Khan came out. I was fifteen when First Contact came out.

I’m pretty sure that he could inspire previously unseen levels of vitriol with articles such as “F*** Your Miata” and “E36, Who Needs It?”

Shhhh, don’t give Karen an excuse to be any more Karen then she already is.

Of course it’s in Bakersfield. This seems quite appropriate to the meth-aesthetic of that town, regardless of how up-and-up the modifier/owner might be.

Goddammit. How DARE Germany dump this BMW X1 in my driveway. I’ll go out and replace it with a Chevy Equinox RIGHT NOW!