Now if only they could see their way to giving the lead character of The Force Awakens her own Monopoly token.

So to be clear... this weekend, in terms of NASCAR, I have the choice between the slobbery Joonyer lovefest brought to us by a company that literally sounds like they build Tonka Trucks, or the weekly “Kyle Busch beats the crap out of the minor leagues” brought to us by DIABEETUS.

Oh my God, Mackenzie, go fuck yourself. Mr. Softee is the shit and deserves your respect.

Oh, Florida Man. Never stop being you.

This here wagon was made for one purpose, and one purpose alone:

Obviously he needs a Herkimer Battle Jitney.

Lexington, Kentucky.

The looks of pain on Obama and Schumer’s faces in the headline picture... they are palpable.

A rebuilt carb will set you back approximately three-fiddy, while the DIY option is about a tenth of that.

As a once-and-future resident of North Carolina, may I just say that this doesn’t surprise me in the least.

This is the darkest timeline version of New York City, as described by The Lonely Island and Billie Joe Armstrong.

I really, really don’t WANT to give you a star for this, but I feel like it’s the only right thing to do.

So glad you did this. Less work for me.

Welp. Fuck Hasbro.

The man is not wrong. Cowboys fans are awful.

For some reason, I opened this article thinking it was going to be about an actual autonomous vehicle RACE.

What an enormous piece of shit. Fuck these hoopties.

Rode in an ATS-V today. It was my Lyft ride, of all freaking things. Driver decided to have a little fun with the capabilities of said ATS-V.

NP. If it were only brown and a diesel, Jalops the world over would’ve just jizzed in their pants.

When I was in college, I used to walk three miles each way to school, including in the winter.