And I jizzed... in... my pants.

God damn you, Florida. God damn you.

Gilles may well be the only reason FCA stayed in NASCAR long enough for Brad Keselowski to win the Cup championship in a Dodge.

Ho Lee Schitt.

Hendrick and the other NASCAR engine shops build 5.8L naturally aspirated V8 engines. F1 cars run 1.6L turbocharged V6 engines. It would be entirely impractical for Haas to try to get one of those shops to retool to build F1 engines.

USA! USA! USA!

I hope they roast him so badly that even though he won’t be there, it will be a viscerally ass-clenching experience.

I hope they’re so cruel to him that it makes him soak his gilded pillowcase with ugly fascist tears.

I hope they go in there and fucking destroy him.

Precisely why they don’t need two races. Sure as hell don’t need a Chase race. Replace Kansas Chase race with COTA and things get much better!

One less weekend at Michigan, sure. Definitely not Pocono, though. Or perhaps one less at Kansas. That track is boring as hell.

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to NASCAR’s new CalvinBall Cup Series!

Oh boy, now the 76ers get to deal with Andrew Bigot... er, Bogut’s special brand of crazy! Lucky them!

Well, I should’ve known it would happen. I went out of town for work over the weekend, and on Friday night, she pulled out onto the street with just her DRLs on and an overzealous cop immediately pulled her over and issued her a $175 ticket.

Tempting.

Much as I hate to say it... this is my wife.

I hit a big boy. Ripped the hood of my car off, but managed to make it land on the windshield in such a way that it kept the deer from coming through. Bounced off the engine compartment, crushed nearly every damn thing under the hood save for the block and caused mechanical and electrical gremlins for the rest of the…

F**king North Carolina Whitetail Deer.

I feel like you just need a weekly feature entitled, “The F**k is Wrong with Torch This Week?”

This is like one of those Dr. Pimple Popper videos, except not lunch-losingly gross.