Wat.

Daniel shouldn’t worry about the haters. He won a NASCAR national touring series championship and has the backing of an incredibly successful race team.

Based on this footage, he’s already got a very very big one.

Three things:

According to Wikipedia, Robert Ludlum has been dead for fifteen years. Wikipedia is full of shit, seeing as how Robert Ludlum is clearly writing whatever the fuck is going on in America right now.

General Mattis is Trump’s best nominee by a country mile. Every single other nominee made me shake my head and say, “Oh for f**ks sake.” Mad Dog, on the other hand, made me do a little happy dance and break out the expensive Scotch in his honor.

Number one. What the hell? I’m mind-boggled by this.

You know, when I was in middle school and high school, I regularly cursed Bill Bidwill for being a cheap skinflint motherf**ker who was never willing to invest in a decent quarterback (Steve Beurlein, anybody? Chris Chandler? Tom f**king Tupa, for Christ’s sake?!), and who hired a freakin’ defensive specialist in…

Seriously, though, this is the kind of creative energy that more of America needs. And it’s coming out of freaking Cleveland, of all places.

I would 100% take Vetinari over the Angry Yam. Hell, I’d take Drumknott over the Angry Yam. You know what? I’d take freakin’ CMOT Dibbler over Trumpkins.

Edwards been competing full-time in NASCAR for seven years

Oooh, this would be around eight years ago now. I was the owner of a Dodge Grand Caravan (God help me) that I had traded my beloved Volvo 850 wagon in for (I’m sorry; I’m so so sorry). I was in a long-distance relationship, which translated to every time she or I traveled to see one another, all of the sex happened.

Carl.

Yes, but they did in fact bury that hatchet.

Yeah, but those guys have put a ridiculous amount of work into those Jeeps. I’m talking I have a hard time putting down $100,000 for a Jeep that is coming straight to me from FCA via the dealership without a visit to that kind of shop.

One hundred thousand dollars for a Jeep.

I’ve been un-greyed on Deadspin! Joyous day!

Clarkson, is that you?!

Goddamn it, FCA.