Cocaine’s a hell of a drug.

Dammit, NASCAR.

Freedom boners all around.

BRRRRRRRRRRRAPPP

My wife is one of those people. She swears she would never drive a minivan, but she says she’d drive a Tesla Model X. *sigh*

Fiat 124!

My dad had an ‘85 Celebrity.

As an East Coast Cardinals fan, this game pissed me off royally. I stayed up until after midnight to watch a goddamn draw.

I’m a Cardinals fan. A great Cardinals fan. The best Cardinals fan. I’ve been a tremendous Cardinals fan since they moved to Phoenix in the ‘80s.

That was spectacular.

‘MERICA.

It will be akin to bad fan fiction, methinks...

Do not buy cars from Phoenicians who think that modding them in unique fashions is a good idea.

Castrol and Cheerios... the breakfast of goddamn champions.

I truly hate rolling coal. It makes me want to punch cute monkeys that did nothing to deserve being punched, that’s how much I hate rolling coal.

That was outstanding. I would have loved to have seen them do something like this for last year’s Chase, if only for the visual of Matt Kenseth throwing Joey Logano through a storefront window or something like that.

Hopefully, he will wreck out and/or blow his engine by lap 3.

I’ve got a GREAT idea that will keep this from being a problem.

Nah, man, that’s not even fair. What kind of sick and twisted police department puts its cops in a Dodge Caravan? That’d be like putting F1 drivers in Smart Cars.

Governor McCheese... you are an affront to humanity. You have utterly failed North Carolina. Where’s the Green Arrow when you need him?