Is this Lakitu, the “bespectacled Koopa who controls the clouds?” (And yes, that is how he is described in his Wikipedia page.) He’s the friggin’ best.

The slide whistle is the new reggae horn. You heard it here first.

Flip too soon, before the bottom is sufficiently crusted, and you risk sloshing a hot snot of beef fat onto your best grillin’ jorts, which will enrage you into punching your nose and spiking your spatula, only you can’t even do that right, so the spatula will bounce off your poor dog, who will then knock the grill…

Oh my God. Literally gagging right now. I hate runny guacamole!!!

Just googled the title because it sounded familiar. Of course! It’s the movie where Goldie Hawn gets shot and has the big hole in her stomach! I somehow remember that scene so vividly from my channel-surfing childhood...

I suppose I can add a cross-stitched disclaimer.

“Doesn’t matter how much junk you inject into A-Rod’s buttocks, you still don’t get a Ty Cobb out of it.”

You are officially the nicest person to ever kinja.

This is like a gif in word form!

Haha, thanks for the video!

This is excellent advice for any career. Thank you for sharing!

I have to admit, I believed this myth too. Now I don't. Thank you!

Just reading this comment gave me an eye twitch. Yech! Bless your soul for not sticking her in the office paper shredder...

I don't know what this means, but I like it.

What is this? I want one...

My secret dream is to be in the Coast Guard. You guys & gals are awesome!