Unlike that mecca of civilization known as Cleveland and its burning river?

Or that dashing, fun city of Dayton where people would kill themselves to escape it but if you kill yourself hell is just ending up back in Dayton, Ohio.

Your state sucks.

Ha, that’s pretty funny.

Because it’s fucked up and insensitive and just the sort of shit teenagers do. They should get a talking to, their history teacher should actually teach them some American history, and that can be the end of it.

But no. The outrage machine fronted by Timothy Burke (who is totally not…

Like the time he sexually assaulted a young intern? Or do you think there was a balance of power between the most powerful man in the world, her boss, the commander of the US military and some 20 year old girl?

Is that ‘pseudo’?

Well if Trump did nothing wrong then there is no guilt from settling out of court and if Hillary did nothing wrong there is no reason to worry for investigating even more of her emails from the thing she was warned not to do (because it was likely illegal) that she did anyway.

Right?

Just going to point out yet again that if Bernie Sanders hadn’t been ‘finessed’ out of the nomination he would now be leading trump by 20 points, no one would be wondering if our first female President would also be the first President to be indicted on day one of her presidency, and you all could take solace in that…

That’s a bummer, but I didn’t come to deadspin to read a short novel.

Also, your click bait title seems at odds to you wanting to create sympathy for someone based on their professional journalistic talents.

We already have an Onion, Ham. And they try a little harder, too.

So they have a problem?

I mean if you put ‘but they drink too much to get married’ instead of ‘they dress up in costumes too much to do a normal human thing’.

Brian Ashcraft lecturing Japanese people on their inappropriate clothes one day and then Brian Ashcraft lamenting ham-fisted censorship that he helped foster the next day.

Keep it class man and keep telling them yellow people what is wrong with their culture. As a White Westerner you surely know best.

Um maybe the person with the word SEX in their user name shouldn’t go talking about triggers.

I was sexually assaulted twice and raped once. Your name reminds me of it. Thanks a lot.

Your comment triggered me and I was once raped by a Japanese person so your name is offensive to me. Either delete your name or I demand that Kotaku find a way to make you vanish from my sight.

Agreed?

Well I’m glad she survived this awful assault.

Those bleeding girls who’ve just been mutilated in Africa can finally breath a sigh of relief now that an American woman is no longer being groped by non-existent hands.

Their hands vanish in your bubble? Fine.
You make the other player vanish from your sight? Okay,…

Whenever I picture your D&D group I just get flashes of 6 Britta Perrys sitting around a table all talking about the oppression of fictional gnome waiters.

Sorry the game triggered you by not offering you the one nuanced choice. The game maker’s mind reading technology for their BDSM game containing domination must have malfunctioned and they didn’t realize people who willingly played the game wanted to be dominated, but not too dominated in that one particular way, but…

This is what you’re reduced to?

Overexplaining vines and worldstar videos. Wow.

Don’t let anyone say you’ve given up on your dreams. Never let anyone claim you aren’t a real journalist. You truly have worth in the world. You certainly do.

I can’t understand a single thing you-

Oh, you’re a Texas Tech alum. . .

Well, good for you! You keep making such good sentences. You good writer. Good Texas writer. You best writer.

Well except for all the liberal threats that ended up violently attacking Trump supporters outside of their rallies.

You buffoons did the impossible, you actually made me sympathize with Trump supporters who were just exercising their constitutional right to free assembly.

The Left has no moral highground anymore…

As a white person who gets called a patriarchy supporting rapist by rabid assholes, I’m afraid of Hillary’s followers going unhinged.

I’m sure if HIllary lost she would graciously concede. Her and her supporters wouldn’t be screaming from the rooftops about voter irregularities and the need to opt out of the decision ala the losing side of Brexist (can we just take london out of England, please! let’s redo the vote! It doesn’t count, we didn’t…

That’ll show em.

The pro-lifers who say you gals are all antagonistic, bat-shit crazies who are proud of your abortions really get proven wrong with that attitude.

It is a click baity headline. You know it. We know it. Everyone knows it. But you don’t care about changing minds or producing an in-depth piece that…