I wish it were "I Wish It Were Christmas Today"

I thought America was full of cool jocks, but turns out 74% of them are dumb nerds!

Personally, it's not because these "puppets" are pissed off that I like them. I just find themes about having a lot of money and sex relatable. Because I have a lot of money and sex and I'm good at those things I think. And then I sell all the drugs even though most people would think that's too bad to do but I don't…

I really want to be angry that this is getting made, but I know

You don't have to apologize, friend. Happy holidays!

Star Wars: The Force Has Its Morning Cup of Coffee

I've wondered how many more people would listen if it weren't as long, but even though it's three hours each week, the time always goes by smoothly for me. The slow, casual pace of Tom's hosting takes the pressure off the show to always be "on," and I think the enviable ebbs and flows of the show become more engaging…

I'M ASSUMING YOU SHOULD SHUT THE FUohh whoa ok ok gotta calm myself down here

Hell, I've been getting into capers my whole life just as an excuse to wear a dress. And I hate capers!

Bitter, bitter hatred towards this demented criminal. Also, sandwich jokes!

He's not such a bad guy after all!

"Sure, I paid to have sex with a 16 year old, but I wasn't THAT into it."

If I had a sheet of acid I wouldn't be able to sleep at night.

Exactly. I couldn't imagine anyone wanting to sit through that. Now if it were a live-stream where a barrel watches all the movies barrels have been in, then we might be onto something.

You should break her glasses. That's what a nerd like her deserves anyway.

Sadly, now I'm a fan of the Portland Chevrolet TrailBlazers. It's just not the same watching a bunch of SUVs go up and down the court.

I've been going from tub to tub all across the country, searching for a girl whose face I've never even seen. But when I find her I'll know. I'll know.

They were so fast and so furious in that last movie, it left me asking myself, "Could these guys even be faster? Is it even possible that this is not them at their most furious?" These are the burning questions that only Furious 8 can answer.

You've got to admit, you've got you there.

"I just gotta do another rap with Justin Timberlake… Do another rap with Justin Timberlake and everything will be OK…"