Served by Burfict himself, who would throw the cocoa in your face, smash the mug over your head, and smother you with the blanket.

It’s the way to mark the passage of the seasons—school starts back, the leaves turn brown, the temperatures (theoretically) start to drop, Burfict renews his quest to actually dismantle other human beings...

Since I’d rather listen to my own screams as I had my fingernails torn out than listen to country music, I didn’t know the song those came from, but from the overall shittiness of them, I knew it’d be country. Regardless, it stuns me to this day how many people can’t realize that there’s a world of difference between…

I’ve never really been that close to this sort of flooding, and I can only imagine the horror at seeing the water rise, begging for it to stop before it threatens you and everything you have, and knowing that it won’t.

I spent a long time thinking about this, but all I could come up with was similar to when sports video games can’t get naming or licensing rights from the leagues, and have to use generic names. How about ‘Generic Human Offspring Nomenclature’?

You know, I wasn’t sure I’d enjoy this new ‘barbecue cuckholding’ genre of porn, but I think maybe I do?

Wow. Another ESPNer, wishing that sports would just, you know, exist in a vacuum, outside of all those gosh-darn things that make people all frowny-face and upset. In other words, athletes should know their place, because fans don’t want to see them as anything but. I mean, fans don’t care about all that other stuff,…

Well, of course they didn’t do anything; he’s a white dude expressing racial hatred. It’s not like he did anything, you know, dangerous, like existing as a person of color.

It’s darkly, cynically hilarious how undocumented immigrants aren’t even considered part of the ‘public’ anymore. They’re just the method for overheated goons to exercise the permission they’ve been given to bully and intimidate vulnerable people.

This isn’t much different from our “practical” labeling of Canadian bacon as ‘ham’.

Oh, it was fun, allright. It just could’ve used a little more Clu Haywood, is all.

Well, I mean, that’s true, unless he’s got his own designer brand of herpes, which seems unlikely. At the same time, if that’s your best defense, then the legs your defense sits on are fairly shaky.

I like how that works:

That’s the shell-shocked, disbelieving look of someone who lost like this to the Pirates on a home run.

I...didn’t either. I mean, last I heard, he was dating the First Lady on that show about cards. What was it called? Card Sharks or something? Anyway, here’s hoping the baby will give Foster a chance to sincerely smile for once since he became an A-lister.

Damn. This is some racial insensitivity not usually seen outside of Donnie and his supporters. I mean, holy shit, man.

While the urge to see him face the consequences of his attitudes while a guest of the local DOC is strong, I’d just as soon see him spend his time in a Supermax, or in some other locale where he gets all his constitutional rights as a prisoner, but is cut off from any and all forms of social contact, most likely…

Proof of the idea that concepts like ‘love’ and ‘the potential for a happy marriage’ are, in part, based entirely on timing and place: the woman I was meant to marry, living halfway around the world, and will never know of my existence....

God, what an unbelievable nightmare the parents must be going through. You expect life to be somewhat predictable, where you drop your kids off at day care/school, and will see them that evening after you’ve dealt with your day at work and are getting ready for the evening. And then you get informed that something…

Somewhere in there is a great alternate history novel, where Hitler, as part of his Thousand Year Reich, freezes his sperm and sends it to Antarctica, where hundreds of Aryan women are waiting to receive it, and boom! There’s our Donnie! Or maybe he just fakes his death, impregnates Eva, and boom! There’s our fetid,…