It’s like that, only people say “motherfucker” more.

It’s incredible what makes people become unglued. Motherfucker, smoking inside buildings has been outlawed basically everywhere for YEARS. This is not new information. Yet this is what he decided was worth killing someone over? Some defenseless employee just doing her job, telling him something any idiot knows? The…

my immediate thought was “google images of flowers are free”

screw it, just buying myself this for christmas and calling it a day.

Bless you, you tiny tiny man. Own your smallness. When you and the Hemsworths get stuck underground while spelunking, you’ll be the only one able to fit through the keyhole to the outside world, so revel in that.

I'm calling illuminati kale as my band name. Dibs.

Roughly 376 hectares.

Kilometers? Sorry, I’m an American; how many gallons is that?

For what it is worth, this guy is a lawyer.

Oh, ye have little faith....

Or too much.

I was hoping for a substantial, thoughtful analysis on these particular customers, but I’m afraid of deep things.

I guess she didn’t think the deal was.... a Grand Slam.

Oh God, that would be me! That would totally be me! My dad used to have a beard and a moustache but he shaved off his beard before I was born (he did it in front of my sister, who was a toddler, so she wouldn’t be distressed that he looked different). He talked a couple of years ago about maybe getting rid of his…

We don’t have to go, you know. Nobody will be mad at you if you don’t go.

You have no experience with trolls, I see.

I refuse to believe he is anything less than the most elaborate performance art the world had ever seen, on par with the pig fucking episode of Black Mirror.

And can we all just remember that time he was ON archer doing his best Gordon Ramsay?!? Siggghhhh...my panties...

Anthony Bourdain? YUM!!!!

“My buddy just got a tatty gun off the internet, he’ll totally hook you up!”