Stephen Colbert is part of the liberal media’s anti-bear fear campaign. How often does the media talk about the number of lives bears save every day? Never, because they don’t want you to know the truth.

Lunch? What kind of communist shit is this? You get your parents to give you $10 every day and shop at one of our fine on-campus fast food restaurants.

The only way to stop a bad bear is with a good bear. Ban bear free zones!

Could you please make a Harambe joke next? That would be super funny!

No. You are extremely dull and uncreative, though.

Nothing builds a loyal fan base like a team whose entire attendance comes from free tickets comped to people on vacation.

“Trump Determined To Attack United States”

You do not want to piss those people off. Go ahead, Donnie it will not end well.

The cynic in me fully believes the golden shower element to be a Russian counter intelligence story floated out there to cause most people to overlook the more fucked up allegations or dismiss the intelligence as a whole. And so far, it’s worked pretty fucking well.

Worst part... Rudy’s password is nineeleven.

Like “we can’t write that part. it’s too obvious and stupid.” crazy.

He found donald’s Russian sex workers by finding the two that most looked like Ivanka.

He uncovered the corruption at FIFA via the secret spy method of Googling “FIFA + Corruption”.

Just you wait until the names of the players all start sounding familiar again because you rooted for their fathers when you were growing up.

I was starting to feel old because I’m older than the majority of NFL players. I am not prepared to be older than the coaches.

So let me get this straight: The post in question wasn’t written by Kukla, but rather, someone from Kukla’s Clan?

Easily the worst thing about college football is that both teams can’t lose.

PEEOTUS

alternate headline:

I figured it would be a Dom DeLuise treasure bath scenario....