Barry. Switzer.

I guess there’s hope for Charles C. Johnson after all.

If you try to hit Tim Tebow on his blindside, you better be ready for God to be blocking.

Inexplicable lack of bears.

“Back then they didn’t have all these fancy birth control methods, like pulling out.”

Fuck me I had never seen that Troy Aikman video. I love you guys.

I. Ya Mar, Blowing off studying for Pre-cal test but yolo, Harpua, Texting Steve about that Harpua, Calling Mike’s Song, Wading in a Velvet Sea

I always come back to this logical progression:

Papi is a lock regardless of what happens with Edgar. Postseason matters, too.

Soooo... is Joe Flacco’s backup elite?

Mark Sanchez has studied this photo for several hours. And that was before he knew there was a question about missing legs.

Get off your high horse and stop underestimating us HamNo. When the time comes that we can’t take any more, the people will rise up and make some dumbass memes.

Yeah, and all my fireworks warn me not to use them indoors. The scorch marks on my ceiling should be enough for you to know how well Americans heed warnings.

Also, if there are tapes, release them. We don’t need watergate level reporters. We need a Kinja burner account.

My gut is telling me The Queen is on the list too.

Ronald Reagan, who would finish the list by saying. “Is your rectum better off now than it was 4 years ago?”

Gilbert Gottfried...especially “SMILEY HAND TOY FROM VENDING MACHINE, MOM NOTED A RUBBER HAND PROTRUDING FROM RECTUM”

I feel like Keith Jackson would be a good choice.

“PUT A PENCIL UP RECTUM TO MAKE BOWEL MOVEMENT TO GET GAUZE PATIENT SWALLOWED TO COME OUT”

2017: You thought 2016 was shit?