I mean, I’m basically a bear in that I primarily eat fruits and nuts and honey and prefer to spend winter asleep, so I’m going to be sad as hell, but like, I don’t want to shit myself to death with one of the many, many shit-yourself-to-death diseases you can get from no plumbing.

Don’t forget seaweed! Seaweed salad just loosens everything up in there, and I’ve never heard of an aquatic bee species.

I’m unemployed again as of tomorrow. It seems like every company that hires me suffers some kind of horrifying budget crisis and they cut like 20% of the staff and I’m always the last hired. I just don’t want it to take another damn year this time. I’d like to start my career at some point.

Having experienced long term unemployment, no more student loan debt is where it’s at. Unlimited time off is only fun for like two months, after which you’re going stir crazy just to be doing SOMETHING

To be fair though, if you substitute “ocean” for “lap pool at the YMCA”, that is literally how my mom trained for one of her marathons: ankle weights and a floaty diaper looking thing.

We’ve been gerrymandered all to hell, and I’m so sorry I can’t even reassure you that you won’t be subjected to the worst of us.

In all honesty, I think they could get away with killing people. Let’s just hope they don’t realize that.

If you actually cared about “fetal pain”, you’d be fighting to have anesthetics administered to neonatal infants, who aren’t given anesthetics for pretty much any procedures. Doctors generally don’t give infants anesthetics until they’re close to 1.5 years old. But I mean, they’ve already been born, so it’s not your…

As if corporate training ever taught anybody anything

....so what rings you got?

It’s been a year, and a concerted effort by a good dozen of us, but we’ve saved this one soul from kekistan.

These libertarian types think that the only law in a perfect society is you don’t harm me and the only punishment is death. I had to explain to a Libertarian-leaning friend of mine that getting an abortion is not a violation of the non-aggression bs by sending him that one Quora post that so perfectly illustrates what…

Yeah, I was gonna say, he definitely got at least punched if he’s so fucking stupid as to think he’s winning any debates, much less having them.

If you imprint it on our foreheads, then we can’t read it. We should all have it like etched on the back of our hand so we can ALWAYS see it.

Nah, that was signed into law by Bush. I don’t think it’ll be on the chopping block for a while.

I’d be more faaaaar more willing to believe the Ambien excuse if the wife hadn’t said that shit about how they tried to move because the girl was sleeping on his legs or whatever.

I’m constantly explaining basic shit to my (all-male) friend group, ranging from the practical (how to get blood out of fabric) to the female-specific (the existence and purpose of a dental dam). It’s not just that they know little about the opposite gender; it’s that they don’t fully conceive of the fact that women…

Ah, I don’t have the same issue. I have the should-probably-fork-up-for-a-breast-reduction issue. I wish every online store would list an item’s full measurements just in general. As much as I dislike Amazon is taking over the world, a lot of their non-label clothes list the bust-waist-hip measurements and they…

that’s actually why i prefer shopping for clothes online: i can see the measurements for each garment and figure out what size (if any) will fit me

...flowchart of death...