Are we sure that Jeter wasn’t sent undercover by the Yankees to loot the Marlins for their benefit? It’s like the theory that Gary Bettman is a plant David Stern sent to kneecap the NHL.

I’m convinced the Wizards are going to need to change their name if they want to win it all. Does “Washington Wizards” sound like the name of a team that can bring home a trophy? No, it does not.

Durant’s desperate need for people to like him has prevented him from embracing the turn. That’s the crucial difference between him and Kobe Bryant, and why Kobe made such a great heel: Kobe wasn’t afraid of people hating him.

At this point just shut down the NCAA-level athletics. I say this as a Baylor graduate. The school is actually pretty great in a number of ways, but this chase for football glory isn’t worth it.

God it’s depressing to no longer see Jason Garrett’s name on the Fire This Asshole list. For a brief, shining moment, Magary gave me hope that the Cowboys might be rid of Princeton Boy forever.

I may have gotten my stories wrong, but didn’t the A’s play a role in the Raiders moving? Something about no longer wanting the share the Coliseum?

What the hell is the point, at this point? The season’s already lost, and you already snapped his consecutive starts streak. At this point, you might as well do what McAdoo was originally going to do and play the rookie, see what he’s got. You’ve already poisoned the well with Eli, and he’s going to get out of town as…

Long ties with tuxedos are absolutely forbidden. C’mon, Altuve, you can do better.

Do you suppose Dolan is in on the joke? Do you suppose he knows he’s a terrible owner, and generally a clown? Because that would blow my mind.

John Mara is every bit the piece of shit that his division-mates Jerry Jones and Dan Snyder are. Snyder and Jerry are just more flamboyant about it.

Thank God they opened a Shake Shack across the street from the Barclays Center.

I look forward to Tennessee rushing the victory formation against Alabama next season.

Pet the kitty.

I know we always like to joke that THIS is the year that LeBron doesn’t make the Finals, but this might actually, genuinely be the year.

Now that Art Briles has been banished from college football forever, it’s much, much easier to see what a massive asshole Gary Patterson is, and has always been.

Also let’s not pretend the league has never had it out for the Cowboys. Remember that really dumb time they got cap space stolen from them because they refused to engage in collusion during the uncapped year?

I actually do think he’s regressed in a meaningful way. Sure, he benefited from a strong running game, but he’s played too well in the past for me to think he’s just not that good. I think he’ll bounce back sooner or later.

At this point Jerry should just hire a hit man to take out Goodell.

This is the greatest headline in the history of Deadspin.

I remember that game like it was yesterday. I think Marv Albert was the play-by-play guy? Anyway, as Austin is barreling down the court he shouts at the top of his lungs, “So HERE COMES AUSTIN RIVERS!!!!” and Austin loses the ball immediately after he finishes. The timing was perfect.