I DARE you to become a graphic designer. I F***KING DARE YOU.

Although some have the best voices ever though, right? Ofeibea Quist-Arcton comes to mind.

Depends on your backyard.

Always bring your own ladder and parachute so you never get caught alone in an empty stairwell.

Rage, Rage, Rage, against the dying of the pike.

There’s a fine line between landed, crash-landed, and just plain crashed.

Somehow I wind up going to going to Costco once a week. Those bags of Halos only last one week and you always need more wine.

What about when Lowes has a really good deal on appliances AND they let you do interest-free financing for 18 months?

The only way I can still get an erection is by thinking about my 401k.

I once got stuck at a laundromat where Grown Ups was playing on the TV on a loop. I couldn't do anything else and I still feel like that time was wasted.

If there were a Venn diagram of people who buy this product and people who liked Entourage, I bet there would be a large overlap.

You jest, but I was born the most neurotic kid ever and TOTALLY had that dread without anyone even putting it there. I remember going on an Easter egg hunt that was organized by some church or something. I was pre-school age and very literal (still am actually, it causes problems), and thought that the egg hunt had to…

that even works with adults!

Yes. Basically the way I've tried to look at it is this: My daughter is the world's worst troll. If I get angry, then she wins!

Also! Please don't be like every one trying to go through a lifestyle change who makes the word "diet" into a different word (truly it means lifestyle in relation to food consumption) meaning "I'll do this until it doesn't work" and completely stop what you are doing because it isn't working anymore. Fat/weightloss…

You keep posting this multiple times per article, in multiple articles. You are SUPER invested in telling women that they are wrong about their own goddamn bodies.

Those who lose weight after a large carb refeed are probably experiencing a "whoosh" effect of sorts: http://www.leangains.com/2010/01/how-to…

especially their people

They can pry my Vitamix from my cold, dead hands.

cereal is way, way better when the milk is almond milk