Cousins at a close age are great!

Yay! My kiddo hasn’t been really trying (she’s in retail, working her heine off to open a new store and forgot her birth control (?!) NOT like her, and HAPPY JOY JOY! Her pretty super husband is over the moon (I CANNOT believe those words came out of my fingers :)) Also my other daughter is 6 months along and we are…

Today I did something for myself. I said no to my family and had a super relaxing Christmas with a couple friends. Now I’m drinking the rum my brother gave me and I’m watching Netflix with the dog. Spending Christmas Eve with my crazy family was plenty exhausting and I am so happy I gave myself a mental health day.

I go to see Mom, who tells me how she wishes I had my own family, because otherwise I will never know true happiness. THANKS FOR THE SPECIAL CHRISTMAS GREETING, MOM.

Yikes, that’s awful! My dad used to wake me up for school every morning by turning on all the lights and singing at the top of his lungs. Every morning was slightly traumatic. I’m sorry.

OUR DAUGHTER IS PREGNANT!!!We are all so happy we could burst! Our present was a sonogram picture! Best Christmas ever in the history of Christmases! Best wishes to all!

Yup. I just made you look at a baby photo. You can’t undo it. Just accept it. And have a merry Christmas.

My sister got engaged yesterday. This will be wedding number two for her. She got married last January to a drunk, wife beater who was 19 years older than her. She divorced him a few months later around the same time our parents got divorced.

Now I’m going to be on the lookout for neighbors in distress.

My mom bitched, and moaned and complained before I even started to make the dinner. She bitched and moaned the whole time I was making it, until I yelled at her to get out of the kitchen.

Okay first of all guys, my turkey turned out... AMAZING. I am not eating any but everyone says it is fucking delicious. I WIN.

Its 10am Boxing Day and I am just about to start work.

Christmas Day was yesterday here, it was just mum, the cat and me so it was quiet and easy and pretty stress-free. Didn’t hear from the evil ex which was a relief. Now to go to the beach for a swim, avoid the Boxing Day crowds and enjoy the cricket. Merry Christmas, everybody!

Project Secret Home Improvement is going AMAZING!! After a rocky start my first project of repainting the range hood turned out great and makes such a huge difference in the room! Here’s before and after:

It was not a prank, more like a game. My Dad and I would spend time at the holidays with my cousin’s bigoted Republican husband. I would talk about my donations to Greenpeace and letter writing for Amnesty International. My Dad would reminisce about how he signed the petition for the NAACP to have a chapter at his…

I like to prank my brother on Christmas. I put his gift inside my safe, wrapped the safe in Kraft paper and twine, and set the combination using digits from a Sudoku puzzle. The puzzle is written on the inside of one of those Kickstarter Christmas cards that plays music for 3 hours non-stop. Music that he’ll be unable…

For me CmasEve+CmasDay is 48+hrs of holding my breath. Tricky marriage and one wrong, mis-thought can create hours/days of crankiness,depression,droopy unwillingness to just shake it off. If I can get him off to a couple of movies—-that will take care of at least 6hrs. While he declines to celebrate w/presents etc,…

My mom’s pulling one on my sister’s fiancé. She got him a comically tiny stocking that matches our full-size stockings, and a full-size stocking that doesn’t match. She’s going to present him with the tiny stocking, which will contain like three pieces of candy, and tell him he doesn’t get a real stocking until he…

A brief summation of all my mother’s pranks: giving my 2 male, 16 year old cousins Barbie dolls, my 70 year old(extremely Catholic) grandmother an apron of a woman in a bra and underwear, and giving every one of my cousins a framed picture of a selfie of her and my (dead) uncle picking their noses. Also, making all of…

It’s already Christmas in Australia. Plan on watching It’s a Wonderful Life and the Nutcracker ballet. Ah the serenity.