When I was six years old, I had an embarrasingly intense thing for Mickey Mouse. My parents decided to tote my brother and me on our first trip to Walt Disney World. Naturally this was to be the singular epic event in my life, against which no later accomplishments could possibly measure up.

I felt it was only polite…

You didn’t want to see them? I would be so curious!

I believe it was my uncle who told me that mountain men wore fringe leather jackets so that if times got tough in the woods they could rip of pieces and eat them like jerky. I was a vegetarian so this seemed reasonable to me. I relayed this stone cold fact to my friend and boyfriend who had a good long laugh about it!…

When I was 9 years old, my friend told me that rape was when a man pushed on your boobs really hard. I don’t think she was trying to lie to me, she was probably just misinformed. Anyway, 2 years later in sixth grade we watched Alex Haley’s Roots miniseries in school, and the boy sitting next to me was talking about…

Growing up I lived right next to a cornfield. My very blonde, very evil brother told me that he was one of the “Children of the Corn.” I totally bought it, and he totally sold it by hiding in the field and jumping out to scare me. He also told me that Florence Henderson could read my mind. Just, why? So I was…

For years my mom had me convinced that if you peed in the pool, the water would turn purple. I held out for years, but one day I just couldn’t hold it in. I then triumphantly told her, “You lied!” Somehow, she immediately knew of my foul deed

I’m an old, and this is the 500th reply or something so perhaps no one will read this, but I was a five-year-old sitting beside my mom in 1963 when we were driving around town, and the radio said that JFK had died. I asked her what happened and she said that he slipped in the shower and hit his head.

When we were kids my little brother and I would always pretend to fall asleep in the car so our parents would carry us inside. When we got home, my folks would remark to each other, “You know, if you’re really asleep and someone lifts your arm in the air it will stay there.” Then they’d reach into the back seat, lift…

When I was 13 and innocent, my parents and I were on vacation and staying with my oldest brother and his wife. Because this was 2000ish and I was a a teenager, I was basically glued to my brother’s computer 90% of the time. And that’s how I found his porn.

When I was younger I believed that people who were assholes became that way because their mothers gave birth to them anally.

My father was famous for making us (my little brother and I) believe all sorts of things. He even had my brother convinced when he was about five that he was a monkey upon birth, but we shaved him and cut off his tail.

That I could ever make it work. I tried and tried and told myself that it work out once X changed then it was gonna be fine when Y changed. Never happened, it only got worse as I got more and more frustrated. We finally broke up tonight after 5 years together. The only person I’ve ever loved and now it’s about…

My parents (namely my Dad, perpetual 13 year old boy he is) told my sister and I growing up that they met at the circus.

I convinced my then girlfriend (now wife) the the accapella group at her alma mater was having some of its awards taken away in a steroid scandal.

If you spend tens of thousands of dollars and go to college, you’ll get a good job and definitely won’t be suffocated by crushing debt for the rest of your life.

My family was visiting my grandparents when I was younger, maybe 10ish- which was waaayy too old to believe this. But I had taken a shower after my sister and used my grandma’s “special” shampoo because I wanted to be fancy, and it was off-limits so double plus. When I got out of the shower my sister must have noticed…

So when I was a kid my mum’s boyfriend was a grade-A douchenozzle for various reasons but this was his crowning achievement;

When I was a very sheltered 8th grader, my boyfriend was all grown up and terrifying to my parents because he was a sophomore and drove and smoked. He also stuck his tongue down my throat on our first kiss, but that’s neither here nor there. Anyway, he convinced me that the mafia owned our entire town. They had…

My older brothers told me that my mom was pregnant with me and had the urge to go to bathroom and when she went in, I was then born in the toilet. I thought that was true well into my teens.

I was a kid maybe 7 and my uncle had a two door sport car. I loved that car it was so impressive to me it had a rear windshield wiper and the seatbelts moved automatically when he door opened and closed. You still needed to manually strap the lap belt but I didn’t care. Between the driver and passenger seat were two…