My Mother: The true problem with your face is its eerie symmetry and your beady little eyes.

My mom never said anything, but for years she bought me clothes for Christmas that were several sizes too big. Like I was a 2-4 and she would get me size 10-12 even though I told her my actual size. I would open up this really expensive JCrew blazer, size 10, that I was swimming in, and she would shrug and say that…

I saved up money in high school to buy this retro rockabilly looking dress from hot topic but needed it altered. I have always been varying levels of fat, but usually hourglass. I needed the waist taken in because my bust and hips are so big that I needed a larger size. So my grandma is pinning it and I’m revelling in…

This one’s hopefully a palate cleanser after some of the other stories.

My dad once told me that I was the ugliest person he’d ever seen and that he was ashamed to have me as a daughter.

So I asked her about this whole ‘dramatic’ thing, since I don’t really consider myself dramatic. I am enthusiastic, at times, maybe embellish on a funny anecdote - but I don’t exaggerate when it comes to my health or other more serious things. She recalled that between ages 3 and 8 I had a tendency to overreach,…

When I was a freshman in high school, my familhy went to visit my great uncle who had both smoking related illness of some kind and alzheimers. During that trip, he routinely forgot who we were and my great aunt, second cousin, and family just worked around it. I got done up for a big midwestern dinner because I was…

I dunno, it’s kind of cathartic, honestly. At least for some of us.

Don’t try to date the pretty girls Brian.

Got my tongue pierced in college cuz college... Was home for break and my mom saw it and sobbed, “Where did I go wrong?!?”

I had the opposite experience at my grandfather’s funeral. One of my grandaunts already had slight dementia and hadn’t seen me in a while. She didn’t recognise me and asked somebody else who “the beautiful blonde woman” was. I think that’s one of the only honest (no false politeness) compliments I ever got.

The first and really only time I remember my father telling me he was so proud of me, I mean, he had tears in his eyes, was because I had lost weight. I was in my mid 20s, had never been in real trouble, always an excellent student and was currently in a highly competitive, highly prestigious, high stress job (which…

It was my grandma- but I’ll tell it anyways.

I would have gone back and bought it when we weren’t together, then worn it to every family function for the next year.

Well, to start off with, my mother was a dancer all her life. Dancers don’t approve of fat. Me? I was molested at 10 and promptly put on 40 pounds as a defense mechanism. So there was my entire childhood. And the time my father took a trip and came back with a skirt for me and one for my sister, and I was almost twice…

My mom is normally not the type to comment much on my physical appearance. She is critical of my clothing choices but not one to nitpick, we are generally quite close. However, in college I studied abroad for a semester. At the end of the semester I went travelling, where I got giardia - a parasite - and was too poor…

My mom used to sing “Fatty fatty, two by four! Couldn’t fit through the kitchen door!” whenever my pant size went up.

Oh. Let’s put it to a vote:
A: You’re as big as a house. If someone stuck a chimney on you they could move in and rent you.
B. Why don’t you just get fat all at once so I can stop buying you clothes?

One day I came home from school in tears because some other kids had called “fat” and “gross”. I asked my mom if I was pretty (still crying) and she nonchallantly answers with “well honey, some people just aren’t that lucky.”

My mother-in-law and I went shopping. She held up this super cute dress and looked straight at me and went, “This would look super cute, just not in your size.” Then she put it back on the rack and walked away like nothing happened. I stood there for a good minute trying to figure out what just happened. It was a hit…