Fuck the NFL and fuck the players “union” for ever putting in place something as anti-competitive and exploitative as the franchise tag.

You know who else sprinted before games? Chip Kelly.

a few years ago I told a friend, who follows football at a decent enough level, that I would give him $10 if he could name 5 Tennessee Titans.

Also, during their playoff game last year, I switched back and forth between the game and The Lion King which was showing at the same time on Freeform. I do not have children.

This honestly feels like a cut scene from “Get Out.”

I made a word cloud of everything the fans wrote

Our quarterback actually said these words:

Step 1. Agree that this whole NFL thing has gone waaaaaay too far.

Jesus, somehow I keep forgetting that the Seahawks invited Jordan Peterson to give them an inspirational pep talk about how all women are whores with cooties and hidden teeth in their deadly genitals. That’s easily the most insane thing Pete Carroll has ever done and he’s PETE CARROLL. That’s not an easy race to win. 

That would easily be Magary’s line of the year, if he hadn’t previously come up with “Vikings fans travel about as well as Buddy Holly.”

The clearest message that I get out of WYTS every year is that attending an NFL game in person is a fucking horrible decision and only idiots do it.

[Alarm clock turns from 5:59 to 6:00 AM. “I Got You Babe” begins to play. A BENGALS FAN lies in bed and opens his eyes.]

I hope he got the $16 wire transfer service charge back.

“I honestly didn’t know anything about it. I wouldn’t even know if I’d been paid or not because I don’t really look.”

Me when the bank calls to say I over-drafted my account 16 times in one weekend

I wouldn’t even know if I’d been paid or not because I don’t really look.

The San Diego Texans could build a new stadium in the middle of Camp Pendleton and strike cross-marketing gold... 

But he had that 1 big hit against Michigan!

Can’t do a Texans WYTS without a shout out to Susan:

My star goes to Craig: