Two things: First, I too hate the rose hold. Thank you, B-Dub.

I think MTV handled Pedro Zamora's death back in the 90s in a way that was very real and appropriate. It was different because he was an activist and because it was well-known that his health was declining, but it seemed more "real" at that time than, say, Kurt Cobain's death. I guess being on reality television, it…

Took me a sec to realize that wasn't a euphemism.

Cameron Diaz is now dating one of the "Good Charlotte" twins. That's pretty weird.

Assistant teenage Vine star.

"Lifestyle guru"

"Middle-aged Vine Star"

My sister Ronda made almost $325 working from home! Click here to find out how you can too!!!

This reminds me of something that happened when I drove a cab, which I relate just because how often do I get a chance to tell this story?

Holy shit, this article is a million pussy jokes waiting to happen.

This American Life had a child psychologist on a month or two ago who said "The only reason the human race has survived is that 2-year-olds are too puny to properly use lethal weapons."

I LOVE Animal Science Major, he is totally gorgeous. Actually, that's the problem — all of these people are too gorgeous. Is there not one grungy looking person at this college? Like one big, over-muscled dance major with long, unkempt hair and a smattering of acne? OK, so I'd like to be part of your web comic, so…

This probably sounds awful, but lower your standards and go out on a few awful dates. That made me feel better about myself and more patient with the whole online dating thing. But always be safe.

Tomorrow is my 29th birthday. It will be the first birthday I'll be spending sober since I was probably 12... I'm not sure. I'm proud of myself for quitting drinking, but I've also been real lonely. It's been almost a whole year since I quit. I think the more time passes, the more my old friends don't seem to…

First of all, 10/10 for "climb the guy like a tree the first chance I get."

Edie Falco is one of the few graduates of my undergrad that we can boast about! Her, Piper Posey, and Wesley Snipes! Scarlett Johansson was accepted my year and she will hilariously call it Purchase University in interviews rather than SUNY Purchase.

I got new roses for my birthday too.

Can I just say, I got my wedding photos recently and am being a huge girl about it?

#solidarityisforwhitewomen

So. She "got in the frame" of a picture he was taking of... The sidewalk? The support beams? The side of that coffee wagon? What? Is there something behind her? She's pretty slim. Is it Olive Oyl standing behind her?