Hope you like that rerun of Tosh.0 instead

Chris Hardwick, peeing on the grave of meritocracy since the mid-90s.

Dammit, I was looking forward to Madsen’s victory dance.

Completely unfair, he choked her and then fired off 8 rounds in his garage. So they should have gone with “The Air I Breathe” by The Hollies or “Shooting Star” by Bad Company.

(disappointed Harry Potter fan scoffs) More like The Odor of the Penis.

The fair-haired one is just on the edge of being comprehensible, when they go to his brother it’s on another plane entirely.

My Dad was at the Houston branch of NASA for 45 years and often recited to me that generic tablets sold at Wal-Mart now have more computing power than all the NASA computers in Mission Control put together; thank goodness for the pioneers portrayed in this film.

(sees that this is the only Irish medal) Man it’s really feast or famine for those guys

I’m still surprised nobody has covered the biggest story in the track and field marquee event: Great Britain’s medal sweep in upper-class twittery

That’s why an Olympics on the Moon (probably Moon Base Beijing) in 2032 is more important than ever.

The fire alarms also went off, but it wasn’t the bad kind of smoke.

Hopefully they can Set it Off at some point

One can only hope they’re getting the mental health care they deserve in this era of austerity

It’s a reference to the opening scene in the Disney animated movie The Rescuers where Bernard (Bob Newhart) says that to Bianca (Eva Gabor) after some particularly frenzied murine rutting.

Well ‘Abner’ is bald(ing), but corpulent and a bit touched in the head. Both are goddamn milk babies.

He’s a fascist

If only we could apply this incompetence to voting rights, half the Trump votes immediately dry up and the House GOP would be in peril this cycle.

The one good thing about the Raiders is that one day Chris Berman may be hospitalized doing that dumb, played-out joke pronunciation of their name

Wait till you hire Marco Rubio

I assume you mean that doll-making creep and not the Mutant Leader, at least he was ripped