If this passes in my horrifically retrograde and idiotic home state, I’ll take it a step further and start writing incantations for preparing the fetal remains for sacrificial presentation to the Great Angry Fetus God in the Sky.

Judging from his outfield defense, I imagine he’s always 2-3 clubs short or long on everything.

Too late, we already named it the NCIS Philipstown Auxiliary Crime Lab in exchange for $1 million from CBS and a vow never to change the big screen in the lounge from that channel.

Psst don’t tell any Deadspin employees that the Houston Gamblers folded three decades ago, I’m negotiating their having exclusive rights to their dynamic and ongoing story.

Poulan Weed Eater Bowl. I know, not technically a stadium, but the name can still make my Dad laugh even decades later.

Ah, Jezebel.

I like reading the story in juxtaposition with the many once-taken-for-granted social services (public defender) completely gutted by their exorcist-governor and his ironic employment of voodoo economics.

When a Philadelphian authority figure says MOVE, one should rightfully be nervous.

In any event, we reached critical mass on Trump negatives months ago, i.e. I don’t think anybody who isn’t a clueless white male like myself could possibly loathe him more. It’s all about turnout and avoiding the few racist GOP voter ID/disenfranchisement land mines left standing by the federal courts

Tell that to the marginal American not-quite-A-level-catalog model you replaced in the early 90s! Oh wait she married John Cougar Mellencamp.

And now, how to get more people interested in Garbage Time (moves Fox Sports’ placement between Cinemax Latino IV and One Weird Trick For a Better Memory repeating infomercial channel)

Con Artist: I’m getting something.. did your Dad like bitching about the good ol’ days using as contrast some bogus article linked by the Drudge Report?

I like both those players (and to be fair Harden has some oft-injured pieces to play with as well) and hope that Sabonis Jr. proves to be a steal, but I still think we’re talking 6-8 seed and exiting in the first round of the playoffs. Whether Westbrook stays to see that plan to fruition or spends his autumn years in…

I think the Trump campaign should embrace self-deprecating meta-commentary and switch up their slogan to “A Shit Leader for a Shit Nation”

I just looked up the current roster and it’s pretty grim, like the rest of the Rockets apart from James Harden-grim (remembers he’s a Rockets fan). Crap.

“We need somebody to replace Jason Terry, but this guy’s way too young and inexperienced.” - Daryl Morey

If Suh were an actual dolphin:

(only allows Korean fans into the game)

Just wish Michael had turned on his brother mid-interview, made mention of his conspicuous lack of rings, and say that’s why Mom named you Martellus and not Marshowus

I just wish baseball had a salary cap so that they could become the baseball equivalent of the Lakers, a once cherished destination that now stinks like an open sewer. Instead, once freed of A-Rod/Mark’s contracts, they’ll pay $500M over 10 years to Bryce Harper just as it appears that pitchers have figured him out.